London Calling
by 25Stella27
Summary: Harvey and Mike go to London for a merger. Harvey suffers a panic attack on the plane turning the whole trip into a nightmare for both of them.
1. Take off

Mike had to admit he was sort of excited about their trip to England. He had never left the US before as Granny never had enough money and now that he made money he lacked the time. And even if the trip was just for business - a rather big merger between a British company and an American one- it was certainly better than to stay at the office all day.

"Hey," he greeted Harvey cheerfully as he joined him in the check-in line.

"Hm," Harvey returned, hardly acknowledging Mike's presence as he flipped through their tickets and passports. Mike couldn't quite point the finger at it, but he had the feeling something was off. Then something else got his attention.

"I thought we were going to be there for three days…"

"We are," Harvey replied, sounding annoyed. Mike frowned, wondering what justified Harvey's annoyance.

"Why did you bring such an enormous suitcase then?" Mike asked, pointing to the monstrous trunk next to Harvey.

"Why? What did you bring?"

His gaze fell on Mike's medium sized suitcase.

"How many suits did cram in there?"

"Uh, two. On top of the one I'm wearing now. Plus a jeans and a few shirts…"

Harvey snorted. "Well, that certainly explains it. Contrary to you I care about my appearance."

"Hey, I do too!" Mike protested. "How many suits did you bring?"

"Five. Which is one for every day."

"Stills seems a bit excessive. I'm sure you could have them dry cleaned there…"

Harvey just shrugged, giving Mike again the impression that something was off. They waited in line in silence, Mike's futile attempts to make conversation being shot down by mere shrugs.

"Did I do anything?" he asked at last.

Harvey frowned. „No, why do you ask?"

"Because you've been ignoring me for the last half hour. It feels like you're punishing me for something, I just don't know what for."

"I'm not. I'm just not really in the mood for talking at the moment."

"Anything happened you care to share?"

"Nothing happened, Mike. Seriously."

Mike decided to let it go but when they went through security and Harvey took off his jacket he noticed the patches of sweat under his armpits. It was strange for it wasn't too warm outside and the airport certainly was well air-conditioned.  
On the other hand Harvey was wearing that stupid vest of his...

They passed security and settled in the business lounge where Harvey grabbed a news paper and Mike got out some files he had not come around to read yet. Of course, this was a business trip, and you were probably expected to read files during those, but Mike couldn't help being a bit disappointed.

"Hey." A few minutes later Mike felt a soft touch on his shoulder. "Why don't you get us some coffees and then we talk about those restaurants Rachel picked out."

Mike looked up in surprise. He had not thought Harvey had listened when he had mentioned that earlier.  
Now the lawyer was smiling softly, quite opposite to his earlier behaviour.

"Great," Mike said, feeling his face lighting up a little. He had arranged himself with sitting next to a brooding Harvey for the next few hours, but that had not been what he had been looking forward to.

He got the coffees but Harvey payed for them - his way of saying sorry. Harvey listened attentively when Mike started to go over the rent outs Rachel had given him but Mike still picked up that Harvey was not saying much himself, but relying on Mike to carry the conversation. Or maybe he was just being paranoid.

Anyway, Mike was in a much better mood when their flight was called. He bonded to his feet immediately.

"Hey, no hurry. We have assigned seats," Harvey pointed out. „Everything getting there early is going to do is have us wait in line."

"Uh, yeah," Mike said unsure if that meant he should sit down again. „Maybe we get an upgrade if we are there early though…"

Harvey raised an eyebrow. "The only way to upgrade our seats would be putting us in the cock-pit, Mike. So relax, wait for the last call and then we can get right to our seats, spending as little time in the plane as possible."

"Fine," Mike muttered, sitting back down again. What if they missed their flight? Jessica would certainly be furious…

"I really think we should go now…" he said after ten more minutes. He was starting to get nervous, and probably Harvey wasn't the only one with patches of sweat under his armpits anymore.

"Fine," Harvey allowed with that generous smile of his. Only it seemed a little strained…

They did not miss the flight and Harvey had been right about there not being a line anymore.

"Wow, these seats are comfy," Mike said, as he fell into his. Harvey had not allowed him the one next to the window, but flying first class was still pretty cool.

"Wait until you have spend a few hours in them," Harvey replied grimly.

"Don't be so pessimistic. Have you been across the pond before?"

To Mike's surprise Harvey shook his head. "No. Never got around to it."

"Pity that we're not going to Paris. Would be a way more romantic first time that way…"

Harvey did not dignify the comment with an answer.

Despite them being amongst the latest for boarding it still took a while before the plane actually started rolling. Mike used the time to settle in, taking of his suit jacket and getting a book out of his bag. He also observed the people around them, all businessmen probably tired after a day of work. They were one a red-eye flight, with the sun already starting to set over New York.

"What time do we land again?" Mike asked, wondering if it would be in darkness.

"You've seen the tickets you know." Harvey's tone was back to annoyed and when Mike glanced over to him, he noticed the older lawyer had his eyes closed and his jaw slightly clenched.

"Harvey? Are you okay?"

"What? Yes, of course I am," the reply was just a little to sharp and when Harvey's head snapped around his eyes were screaming murder. All in all not a sign that he was okay, but rather one that Mike had touched a sensitive spot.

"Hey, I was just asking… No need to snap at me like that."

Harvey's features softened a little but his jaw remained clenched. „Sorry, I didn't mean to."

They were interrupted by the safety brief, which Mike followed attentively even though he had been on a plane before and remembered it perfectly of course. Harvey had closed his eyes again. He had probably heard it a hundred times already and didn't deem it worth listening too.

It was when the plane finally stated taxing that Mike truly noticed that something was wrong with Harvey.  
His eyes were still closed, his jaw definitely clenched now, and his hands were clinging to the arm rests.

"Harvey?" Mike tried again, hoping not to have his head bitten off this time. The lawyers breathing was unsteady and Mike could see a pearl of sweat form on his forehead.

"What?" Harvey grunted.

"Are you sure you don't want to tell me what's going on?"

Harvey did not reply to Mike's question but in response to the plane accelerating he pressed his whole body into the seat and even in the dimmed cabin light Mike could see his skin glittering with sweat.

Then, suddenly, as the plane's tires left the ground and Harvey gave a soft whimper, it hit Mike.

"You're afraid of flying!" he blurted out, so loud that a few heads turned towards them.

"Don't be ridiculous," Harvey muttered through gritted teeth, but Mike could see him fighting to keep his calm. 

* * *

If anyone would be willing to beta this, feel free to contact me!


	2. Keep Breathing

The truth was that Harvey had never been entirely comfortable with flying. He just didn't like the thought of a few kilometres of nothing under his feet. It was easy enough to forget though and it had never been much of an issue besides a few uncomfortable moments during the take-off when it felt like the plane was just about to slam back right onto the ground. But this time…

This time it felt like someone was clenching his stomach with a cold fist. He had been uncomfortable the whole time since he had gotten to the airport but he had put it off for not having slept enough and Mike being annoying. Only it had not gone away when Mike had shut up. Which was why he had decided to make it up for him with the coffees. But the uneasiness hadn't faded and with every minute closer to take off it had gotten worse until all he could do was keeping himself from running right off the plane.

And now as they had left the ground that wasn't even an option anymore. He felt like shit, his sweaty hands clinging to the armrests for dear life, his ears ringing. He felt like he couldn't breathe, his tie sealing his throat shut. Only if he let go of the armrests surely the plane would fall from the sky…

"Harvey… Harvey..." The voice came from far away, muffled as if he was under water. And maybe he was, for he couldn't breathe, maybe the plane had crushed into the sea without him even knowing… He could have opened his eyes to check but he didn't dare to.

"Harvey!" Someone touched his arm and it shook. The sensation brought him back just enough, that he realised it was Mike's voice calling his name.

"Can't breathe," he managed and he felt someone reach over to loosen his tie and unbutton the top of his shirt. It didn't help much, but it helped.

"Harvey, listen to me. You need to breathe slowly, alright? I'll tell you how. In … and … out, in … and … out."

It took him some time to adjust to the rhythm Mike suggested but at last he felt some of that giant weight lifted from his chest and finally dared to open his eyes. The cabin lights weren't dimmed anymore and he found Mike staring at him with a weird mix of relief and concern.

"Better?" Mike asked tentatively interrupting his sequence of breathing instructions. Harvey nodded, not trusting himself to speak. The ringing in his ears was slowly clinging off and he started to realise that he was drenched in cold sweat, every muscle in his body tense. He tried to force himself to relax, but all it did was making him feel nauseous. He groaned.

"Harvey?" Mike's voice was certainly back to all concerned.

"I think I might get sick," Harvey mumbled. He didn't want to do that, not publicly but the bile rising in his throat suggested that he didn't have much choice.

He could tell by how quick Mike produced the bag that he had anticipated Harvey throwing up, and it was agood thing because Harvey couldn't have held it in another second. He heaved into the bag, mainly bringing up the coffee Mike had brought him a mere hour ago.

"You okay if I leave you for a sec to throw this away?" Mike asked taking the bag when Harvey was done.

"Yeah," Harvey managed his voice so weak he hardly recognised it himself.

Mike returned a minute later, quietly handing Harvey a bottle of water.

"Thanks," Harvey muttered, trying to open it with shaking hands until Mike took it away and did it for him. It was humiliating but not much compared to everything else that had just happened.

"You really scared me there," Mike said while Harvey was gulping down the water to get the taste of bile out of his mouth. He would have liked to go to the bathroom to wash his mouth out rather than just swallow the water, but he didn't really trust his legs to carry him. "I almost asked them to turn the plane around."

„That seems excessive." Harvey somehow managed a smile. It was probably croaked and forced but better than nothing. „How long have you talked me through breathing exactly?" he wondered noticing that the world underneath them had gone black.

"Nearly half an hour."

"Thank you…" Harvey muttered. He was still feeling unsettled and the drenched clothes felt uncomfortably clammy on his skin but if it weren't for Mike it would probably be a lot worse.

_

Hope you like it! Also a big "Thank you" to Zimdan19 for proofreading this!


	3. Turbulence

Mike allowed himself to relax a bit as Harvey's breathing calmed. He still felt rattled by the sight of Harvey, good damn _Harvey_ having a panic attack but it seemed to have passed.

„Did you bring any change of clothes into the cabin?" he asked noticing Harvey's shirt was wet with sweat.

Harvey just shook his head, apparently still not trusting his voice entirely. Mike sighed and reached for his bag taking out a sweatshirt and some comfy pants. He wasn't exactly the same size as Harvey but the clothes were a bit too big for him anyway so there was a good chance they would fit.

„You want those?" he offered.

Harvey looked at the clothes as if it was a rose ballerina outfit.

„You expect me to wear these? In public?"

Mike shrugged. „You can stay all wet in your suit if you prefer. Though I think after they have witnessed you throwing up these people probably won't really remember you for what you wear."

„Yeah, fine." It was clear that it bugged Harvey to have shown signs of weakness but he was smart enough to acceptt that what had happened happened.

It took Harvey a few moments before he loosened his seat belt and his breathing became more laboured again.

Mike didn't really know what to do and opted for reaching for Harvey's hand, holding it in silent support. It only took Harvey a minute to breathe through it, but when he opened his eyes again, Mike could see he was scared out of his mind. Not so much because they were on a plane, but because he had lost control over his body. Again.

"Can't say I like this," Harvey muttered through his teeth, but pushed himself to stand. He swayed for a few seconds but steadied himself before Mike could get up to support him.

Mike wished he knew what to say but he didn't. Instead he just let Harvey take the clothes from him and watched the lawyer make his way towards the bathroom. Given this is first class it was probably a proper bathroom.

Instinctively, Mike got out his phone to text Rachel, or maybe even Donna but of course he couldn't do that. They were on a plane well above any reception. Of course there were some flights providing wifi now but this wasn't one of them.

Using the fact that Harvey was gone Mike tried to peer out of the window, but all he saw was blackness. Not unexpected when you were flying over the Atlantic ocean of course, but he would have liked to see some city light stretched out underneath. Maybe that could have taken his mind off the fact that he had just witnessed Harvey having a full fledged panic attack.

Mike was just wondering if he should go and check up on Harvey or if he should assume his boss had decided to take a shower when the plane suddenly bolted.

Automatically, Mike grabbed his armrests, feeling stupid the next second because it had probably just been an air gap.

The plane shook again and Mike heard the sound of disgruntled businessmen waking around him.

A few seconds later, there was the sound of a bell and the seatbelt lights flickered on.

"Dear Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm afraid we have hit some turbulences. We kindly request that you remain seated..."

"Shit," Mike cursed, wriggling off his seat belt as the plane took another bolt.

"Sir, I'm sorry, but I have to ask you stay on your seat until the captain says otherwise..." A stewardess had walked up to him, clutching the backrest of his seat in order not to fall over as the plane kept shaking.

"I need to go to the bathroom." It was not a lie, but of course he didn't need to go there to relieve himself. He needed to go there for Harvey.

„Sir!" the stewardess whined, but he had already pushed past her. „Harvey?" Mike called out when he was close to the bathroom, not sure where Harvey had gone exactly. There was no real answer, only a whimper as the plane shook again. Even the staff had sat down and put on their seat belts.

„Sir, we need you to sit down!" A steward called from his seat.

„But first you need to overwrite this door lock. My…" What should he call Harvey? Friend? Boss? Mike went with rephrasing. „Someone is in there, he might have injured himself when the plane started rattling for all I know."

The steward became a lot more cooperative then, getting up and swiping a card over the door lock. The door opened instantly.

Harvey was lying on the floor, curled into a ball. He had changed his trousers but apparently the plane had hit turbulences before he had gotten around to put on the sweatshirt.

"Shit, are you okay?" Mike hurried into the room, wincing as another turbulence drove him hard to his knees. Harvey did not reply, his eyes were starring in terror, wide open so that you could see the whites all around his dark irises.

"It's okay, Harvey, I'm here," he muttered gently touching Harvey's shoulder. A high pitched whimper escaped from Harvey's throat as the plane shook again. "Are you all right, sir?" The steward called from the door.

'Of course he isn't, idiot,' Mike thought, but after quickly checking Harvey for injuries he nodded. „Yeah, he's fine," he replied, his words undermined by another heart breaking whimper.

„Sh, Harvey, it's fine," Mike muttered, trying to draw Harvey up to his feet. It didn't really work out, but ended with a shacking Harvey lying on his chest. „God, you're heavy," Mike complained under his breath, but of course there wasn't much hope that Harvey would pick up on any banter in his current state of mind.

Despite his eidetic memory it would always remain a mystery to Mike Ross how he managed to get Harvey back to his seat through the shaking plane. It did not get much better when they were finally there though.

When Harvey had just started to relax a little or at least Mike was no longer scared he'd break his teeth by clenching his jaw so tight, a giant bolt of thunder lit up the cabin. Harvey was not the only one letting out a scream.

"Ouch!" Mike yelled as well as Harvey's hand had suddenly contracted around his arm painfully.

"Harvey, please keep breathing, okay?" The lawyer's breaths were coming in short huffs and Mike could feel his pulse racing when he felt for it.

"In and out, Harvey… In and out…"

It took an hour of breathing instructions before Mike was finally able to coax Harvey into letting go of his arm long enough to put the sweatshirt on after all. He was drenched in sweat again, but Mike would not risk having him go to the bathroom to have a shower.

Mike himself felt sticky too and his arm hurt where Harvey had clutched it the last hour. It was probably going to bruise.

"Can't you take the other," Mike winced when Harvey reached for him again as the plane took an ever so light southward curve. Harvey didn't hear or didn't listen. Mike noticed his breathing accelerating again, and even though he was tired out of his mind he started again to recite „In and out…" over and over and over.

Until midnight Mike had some hope that Harvey would just exhaustedly doze off at some point and that he could do the same but around then it became clear that this was not going to happen.  
They had flown into another thunderstorm or maybe outskirts of the same one they had passed earlier - was there really no way around them?- and Harvey gave heart breaking whimpers whenever the plane shook ever so slightly or a lightening lit up the cabin.

It didn't matter how often Mike repeated that planes were perfectly save, or that a lightning couldn't hurt them in here. In the end, Mike just wanted to get off the plane as much as Harvey or maybe even more.

It was just past 2am when Harvey threw up again and all Mike could do was giving the stewardess who came to collect the bag a thankful smile. He was not sure if he would have been able to get Harvey's hand off his arm.

"Should I maybe call to see if there's a doctor?" the stewardess asked quietly, shooting a sympathetic glance at Harvey. Mike shook his head. He doubted a doctor would be able to do much but he would definitely look into something before they flew back to New York. Even if it meant sedating Harvey he would not have another flight like this.

"Maybe you could get us another bottle of water though?" Mike was pretty sure most of the water would end up in a vomiting bag sooner or later but with all the sweating and getting sick he didn't want to have Harvey dehydrating.

"Thank you, Mike," Harvey muttered somewhen around 3 am. They were only two hours from landing and given that they were flying into sunrise the world around them already started to light up. Maybe it was time to switch the clock to English time.

"It's fine," Mike replied softly. Harvey's hair was wet with sweat clinging to his forehead and the fatigue showed on his face. Mike could tell he was still tense though, despite his tiredness.

"I had no idea this was going to happen… If I did I would have never put you through it…"

"It's fine," Mike repeated, giving a small tired smile. „And after all I can't wait to tell everyone that I've seen the great Harvey Specter on the floor crying like a baby." It was meant as off-hand banter but the hurt look on Harvey's face told Mike that he had gone more than a step too far.

"I didn't mean that!" he blurted out quickly. "I'm not going to use this against you, I promise!"

Harvey relaxed but not by much. His expression became pained again, and he bowed his head clutching at his stomach.

"Going to be sick again?"

Harvey gave a short nod, and threw up into the bag as soon as Mike handed it to him. The following hour was mostly uneventful, except for Harvey uttering a panicked "Mike" whenever the younger lawyer managed to doze off.

To be frank, Mike was quite annoyed with Harvey waking him up every time, but the terror on Harvey's face prevented him from snapping. Maybe Harvey thought Mike was passing out when he closed his eyes. Given how tired he was that wasn't even too far off.

When the plane finally started to go into a gentle descent Mike felt utterly relieved. Finally this nightmare was coming to an end. It was a little too early for that though because once the plane shifted Harvey went back to having a full fledged panic attack.

"Harvey… Harvey, breathe, it's almost over…" Mike said exasperatedly, reaching out for Harvey's hand to keep it from clutching his hurting left arm again.

Harvey pressed himself against his seat, his breathing hitched on the verge to hyperventilating.

It were some of the longest minutes of Mike's life, but finally the plane touched the ground. Harvey gasped as it did, but Mike knew it was over at last. Never mind that it took fifteen minutes to peel Harvey from his seat after they had reached the parking position. Never mind that he was still swooning when they walked down the aisle and that Mike had to carry both their bags. It was over, over, over.

"I never thought I would be this glad to be off a plane," Mike sighed.

"Told you the hours in these seats can be long," Harvey replied. His smile was tired more than anything and he still looked pale, but it was nowhere near as bad as when Mike had dragged him half-naked from the bathroom.

"You know the seats aren't that much to blame," Mike said, inadvertently rubbing his left arm.

"I did hurt you there, didn't I?" Harvey said, his eyes full of remorse.

Mike shrugged. "Only a bit bruised. Just make sure to sit on my other side on the flight back."

Harvey's smile curdled at the prospect of that and Mike couldn't really blame him. If his trip had been a nightmare, Harvey's could have only been pure hell.

"Not that I want my clothes back, but maybe you should consider changing back into one of the suits you brought."

"Do you want to give me the satisfaction of being right about needing them all?" Harvey asked, eyebrow raised.

„No, just thinking that you might have better chances to get through immigration when you look a bit less shitty. You look as if you were coming down with some illness."

„I do look like bad, don't I?" Harvey asked.

Mike decided not to sugar coat it. „Yeah, you do."

Harvey nodded, falling uncharacteristically silent. Mike knew he was probably uncomfortable in the comfy pants and the sweatshirt around all these people wearing business outfits. He even caught some people staring.

It was easy to find Harvey's suitcase on the luggage collect and Mike's arrived not much later. „Be right back," Harvey muttered tugging the suitcase behind himself to the nearest bathroom.


	4. Immigrations

Harvey closed the door to the cubicle behind himself, sliding down the thin wall to sit on his suitcase. What the hell was wrong with him? They were finally off that god-damn plane but his ears were ringing again and he felt as if someone was sitting on his chest, making it hard to breathe. It did not quite feel like the earlier panic attacks but he could tell something was wrong. Maybe it was the lack of sleep…

He lowered himself to his knees, head bent over the toilet bowl, hoping he would throw up. Throwing up had made him feel better before… But he couldn't bring himself to do it. He just sat there coughing a few times until he could taste bile at the back of his throat but he didn't throw up.

Drawing a few shaky breaths he got back to his feet, slamming against the wall as he lost balance.

"Shit," he cursed. He closed his eyes, fighting through the dizziness that had hit him. It took a few seconds but finally he was able to get out a suit and to put it on. He didn't bother with a tie. His hands were shaking too much to bind it and he couldn't stand the thought of something wrapped around his neck anyway.

The whole thing had taken quite a while and he was actually surprised that Mike wasn't there yet, worriedly banging on his cubicle's door.

When he finally made it out of the bathroom, he quickly found out why Mike had not come to look for him. The younger man had dozed off, head resting against his suitcase.

Harvey smiled at the sight. Mike looked younger when he slept, much like the boy he had hired in the first place. Even the puppy analogy he had once used came back to his mind. He didn't like waking Mike up, not when it had been him who had kept him awake all night, but he was longing for a bit of sleep himself and preferred to do it in a real bed.

"Wake up, kid," he said, gently nudging Mike's shoulder. It only took a few seconds for Mike to stir and blink himself awake. "Sorry," his associate mumbled, yawning as he pushed himself to his feet.

„You still don't look great," he commented, eyes running once over Harvey.

Harvey just shrugged. He didn't feel great either, a strange ringing in his ears and his legs curiously weak under him. But surely it was nothing a good night's sleep couldn't fix.

The queue at immigrations was long. Harvey wished there was some fast pass thing to get around it, but there were a few things money couldn't buy.

The ringing in his ears got slightly more intense, but he didn't need to fight it as Mike was too tired to want to make conversation anyway. The air in the hall was stuffy and warm and had Harvey bothered to put on a tie he would have loosened it now. God, couldn't they get proper air conditioning in England?

* * *

It took Mike quite a while to notice that Harvey was swaying. He was too busy trying to stay awake himself, hardly taking in his surroundings.

It wasn't until someone said "Are you alright, Sir?" and he turned around to Harvey, that he noticed Harvey's eyes were out of focus and that the lawyer was uncomfortably shifting from one leg to another.

"I'm fine," Harvey snapped, but it was more of a grunt. It was enough to make the man who had asked turn away, muttering something about unfriendly Americans but Mike was not as easily told off.

"Are you having another panic attack?" he asked under his breath, having no idea what could have possibly caused it. They were back on the fucking ground! This was supposed to be over!

Harvey shook his head.

Then… "I need to sit down…" Harvey was practically falling before he had finished the sentence and Mike only just managed to catch him.

"Harvey, what the hell?"

There was no reply but a hoarse whimper and a hand shooting up to clutch at his chest. It was then that Mike understood. Harvey wasn't having another panic attack. This was a heart attack!

"I need a doctor!" he yelled, carefully lowering a shaking Harvey to the ground. "Someone call 911!"

"It's 999 here, dear," a woman supplied unhelpfully.

"I don't care! He needs an ambulance!"

He focused back on Harvey who was still clutching at his chest, pain written all over his face. His face was a sickening greyish colour and his lips had started to go blue from lack of oxygen. Mike had no idea what to do. CPR? But Harvey still had a pulse…

"Don't you dare dying on me," he whined feeling hot tears rising to his eyes. "Not after what you have just put me through…"

The paramedics arrived only minutes later, even though for Mike it seemed like hours. He felt utterly helpless with no idea what to do. It was clear that Harvey was in pain, but there just wasn't any way to fix it.

He only noticed the paramedics when they pulled him away to check Harvey's vitals before they put him on a gurney.

At some point Harvey's hand had ended up in Mike's. He was barely holding on, it was nothing compared to the iron clutch Mike had experienced in the plane. But Mike gently squeezed it, hoping it was reassuring.

They had put an oxygen mask over Harvey's face but Mike could still see his eyes wide with fear. His father had died of a heart attack, Mike remembered. And all he could do was pray that Harvey was not up for the same fate.

* * *

 **Thanks again to Zimdan19 for her beta work!  
**


	5. Hospital

Mike got to ride to the hospital in the ambulance without anyone questioning his presence. He held onto Harvey's hand the whole time, even when Harvey lost consciousness.

In the hospital they were broken up and Mike was told to go to the waiting area, he complied only reluctantly; he wanted to see what was happening to Harvey, he wanted to know… But he was not even family, so he paced up and down the corridor for a while until fatigue drove him onto a chair.

Briefly he wondered what was going to happen to their suitcases. He had just abandoned them without thinking twice. Maybe some airport staff was going to get them to them later. Maybe someone was going to detonate them because they were scared of terror attacks... But it didn't really matter.

It took some time before he remembered the cell phone in his pocket. He had not switched it on yet. Maybe he should call someone?

But no matter how he ordered the words in his head, saying it out loud made it real. And he couldn't quite accept that yet.

What time was it in New York anyway?  
'5 am' his brain supplied helpfully. So, too early for anyone to be awake. No, he was not going to wake anyone up with this kind of news, not when they were half a world away and could do even less than him.

He still turned the phone on. There were only a few texts from Rachel. He opened them.

 **Hope you're having a nice honeymoon with Harvey ;P**

 **Tell me when you get there safely. Though I'll probably know if the plane crashes, so don't feel too bad if you read this after forgetting about your phone for a couple of hours.**

 **Good night. Miss you. xxx**

The last text had only been sent three hours ago, meaning Rachel had worked late. So by now she was certainly asleep. Mike fought off the urge to call her. There was nothing she could do.

The hospital wasn't very busy this early in the morning but the few times a doctor came by, Mike instantly jumped to his feet just to be walked by. He wondered if it would do any good to ask at the information desk about Harvey… But they probably wouldn't tell him anything anyway...

At last a doctor came looking for someone who had anything to do with the heart attack from the airport. Mike was on his feet in a heartbeat.

"Yes," he blurted out. "Harvey Specter, how is he?" he asked anxiously.

"Ah, so that's his name," the doctor muttered scribbling something down on his notepad. Mike flinched. That meant that Harvey hadn't been conscious to tell them his name.

"How is he?" he repeated, not caring that everyone turned to him because he was practically yelling.

"Are you family?" the doctor asked. Mike bit his lips and shook his head. "Are you Mike?"

"Yes," he said in surprise, not knowing where that question was coming from.

"He muttered your name a few times," the doctor explained. "I guess it is fine if you go and see him then. He is asleep though. And to his medical condition I can say no more than that he's stable."

Stable... Stable was good, right?

Mike nodded and followed the doctor.

Harvey was still pale, most of his face covered with an oxygen mask. There was a heart monitor too, gently beeping in rhythm with Harvey's heart.

"Is he going to be okay?" Mike asked, already pulling a chair to sit down at Harvey's bedside.

"Most likely," the doctor said with a soft smile.

Mike nodded. That had to be enough for now.

* * *

Despite the hospital chair being anything but comfortable Mike must have fallen asleep at some point. His head must have sunken on Harvey's mattress too, because that was where he found it, the sheets having left deep imprints on his cheek. When he rose he found Harvey looking at him, softly smiling under the oxygen mask. Then, Harvey reached up to take it off.

"You shouldn't," Mike gasped, trying to stop Harvey but the lawyer had already pulled it off.

"I can't stand it anymore," Harvey explained, his voice still hoarse but almost back to normal. "I've only kept it on because I didn't want to wake you."

"How long have you been awake?"

"Not very long. Couple of minutes maybe."

Mike nodded slowly. "I should probably call a doctor."

Harvey grimaced clearly not looking forward to further examinations.

His eyes start to wander around the room, to the heart monitor and the IV attached to his left forearm.

"Did they give you any details?"

"No, I'm not family and they didn't say anything other than that you're stable and probably going to be all right."

It felt good to talk to Harvey. Despite him lying on the hospital bed he seemed more his normal self than he had been during their whole trip.

"Did you tell anyone at home yet?"

Mike shook his head. "It was the middle of the night in New York when they brought you in."

Harvey nodded. "I suppose you're not going to keep quiet about it though?"

„No, Harvey, I'm not! You had a fucking heart attack! I'm not going to keep quiet about it!"

"So you know it was a heart attack?"

"No," Mike admitted. "But the way you were clutching your chest was quite a good hint. And now I'll search for a doctor. And they better not tell me that you just killed yourself by taking that mask off."

* * *

"How are you feeling, Mr Specter?" the doctor asked after checking Harvey's pulse and blood pressure.

"Fine," Harvey replied automatically, before elaborating after a pointed look from Mike.

"Still a bit weak, maybe. But definitely better."

The doctor nodded, his eyes flickering briefly to Mike.

"He can stay," Harvey sighed. "He'll grill me about it anyway."

„You have suffered a heart attack, Mr Specter. As far as we can tell now it was not too severe but we'll need an ECG to determine how much damage there was exactly to your heart."

Harvey nodded. _Not too severe_ sounded… okay. Not exactly better than having no heart attack but definitely better than a severe one.

"Also you were a bit dehydrated." Also hardly a surprise after having thrown up all night.

"Are heart diseases running in your family?"

Harvey gave a short nod. "My father died of a heart attack."

Even after all those years the words are hard to pronounce as it was them that actually showed how close to death he had been.

The doctor nodded checking a box on his notepad. „We are going to keep you in for a couple of days, just to be sure and to do some further tests to see how much damage your heart has suffered. After that we will probably release you with a subscription. Also you most likely have to consider changing your lifestyle. There will be certain foods you should avoid and at least for the next couple of weeks you shouldn't do anything too stressful."

Harvey nodded again, even though it already sounded like a promise he was unlikely to keep. Mike's burning look showed him that he was thinking the same.

The doctor left after that and Harvey couldn't help but close his eyes. He was still tired.

„I should probably call the firm to cancel our meetings…" Mike muttered and Harvey gave a small nod. He knew it was necessary. Maybe if he hadn't put Mike through that hell of a flight he would have tried arguing that he was fine and that he could take the meeting, but he couldn't risk passing out on Mike again. 

* * *

**Thanks to my beta reader again!**

 **(Also, I'd be really thrilled to get some reviews to know what people think about this story :) )**


	6. Phone Calls

Harvey dozed off not much later and Mike got out his phone. It was late afternoon in England, so it was the middle of the day in New York.

They had not missed any meetings yet, as they had figured that after a tiring flight it was useless to do anything before the evening. Well, if they had known how tiring the flight would turn out to be…

There were a few business mails forwarded from Donna and Rachel, and a missed call from a British number, probably their hotel wondering where they were. Mike was slightly surprised that they had his number and not Harvey's. Where had Harvey's phone ended up anyway?

There was also another text from Rachel, moaning about him actually not checking his phone. But she had seen online that the plane had touched down safely, and apparently someone having a heart attack at immigration didn't make it to the news. And if it did she probably didn't think for a second it could have been him or Harvey.

It was weird that everyone else was still totally oblivious to what had happened. Mike felt as though they should know something was wrong. For him it was as if the world had stopped spinning. How could they not have noticed that?

He started typing _We arrived safely_ to Rachel. It wasn't exactly false but so far from the actual truth that he couldn't send it. He scrolled through his contacts, trying to decide whether to call Jessica or Donna. Jessica was more scary but he didn't think he could talk about this to Donna.

Jessica picked up the phone after the third ring.

"Mike?" she said, clearly surprised to be talking to him.

"Hey Jessica," Mike started out, running his hand through his hair in an attempt to find the right words.

"Is something wrong? Did you find anything in the paper work that endangers the merger?"

"Hm? What? No!" He had not even thought about the stupid merger in hours.

"So, everything is fine?"

"No… Harvey has had a heart attack." He realised that he probably should have started with something more reassuring, but after all that was why he had called Jessica instead of Donna.

"Harvey has had a heart attack?" Jessica echoed in a strange but composed tone.

"Yes, but he's... feeling better already. The doctor said it wasn't a severe one," Mike explained.

"So where are you now?"

"Hospital," Mike replied glad to be driven by Jessica's questions instead of having to think about what to say.

"All right. Is he awake? Can I talk to him?"

"No, but he was just a few minutes ago. He's asleep now and I don't want to wake him up."

"Okay, thank you for letting me know, Mike... Tell Harvey to call when he wakes up. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"If you could maybe tell Donna?" He knew it wasn't quite fair, not with how few details he had provided, but just the thought of calling Donna made his stomach clench. She would ask him all the questions he didn't have answers to, and then probably some he didn't _want_ answers to.

"Done. Though Harvey should call her too. She'll be worried sick until she hears he's fine from his own mouth."

"I know." Even after spending some years with them, Donna's and Harvey's relationship was something Mike did not quite understand, but he knew how much Donna cared about the lawyer.

Mike glanced at his watch. It was only two hours until their first appointment. "Thank you, Jessica. I have to call the client now to cancel our meetings. Or would you want to...?"

"Cancel your meetings?" Mike could hear the frown on Jessica's forehead even across the Atlantic. "You said Harvey is fine, didn't you?"

"Whoa, what are you suggesting? That he should check himself out of the hospital and go to those fucking meetings? You can't be serious, Jessica!"

He didn't think that he had ever talked to Jessica in such a way but if she thought of Harvey still taking these meetings she was clearly crazy…

"Relax, Mike. Of course I'm not saying Harvey should leave the hospital. But you're a junior partner now. If you feel up to it you can go there yourself…"

"Oh…" Mike wasn't sure if he felt up for the task. Not because he wasn't sure of himself, he knew more about the merger than anyone else, but he had hardly slept and didn't want to leave Harvey alone.

He voiced the latter concern to Jessica.

"Well, I don't know how well he's doing. If he is fine I don't think he'll mind. But that's something you have to know, Mike…"

Mike hesitated looking at Harvey peacefully slumbering. He was probably going to be all right.

"Fine, I'll take the meeting."

"Thank you, Mike."

* * *

Mike left a note to explain where he went, hoping that Harvey wouldn't mind him leaving. Then he texted Rachel.

 **Harvey's had a heart attack, but it wasn't too bad. Jessica will tell Donna. I'm a bit rattled but fine.**

He didn't know if this was cutting it, but he didn't find it in himself to call. He just didn't want her to hear it from anyone else.

He went to the hotel then, checking himself into Harvey's suite, rather than the room booked for himself. As he didn't have his suitcase (he really needed to go to the airport to ask for it), he didn't have anything to put away and just took a shower. Rinsing himself with the warm water was heaven, but it made him feel so sleepy he gave almost in to the temptation of collapsing on the luxurious bed.

Instead, he went out to buy a suit, knowing that the one he was wearing was not fit to take a meeting in anymore.

Luckily, all the paperwork he needed was in his bag and not in the lost suitcase, so that, beating all the odds, he made it to the client in time.

The meeting went fine but when he checked his phone after there were also about twenty missed calls from Donna and five from Rachel, making it pretty clear that where-ever Harvey's phone was, it was not with Harvey. He hailed a cab and decided to call Rachel after all.

„Mike?" her voice was anxious, and he instantly regretted not having called her earlier.

„Hey, Rach, it's me. Sorry, that it took so long to call. I was just in the meeting until a few minutes ago…"

„You still went to the meeting after Harvey had a heart attack? How is he? How are you? God, Mike, how can you just not pick up your phone for hours…" The words were just pouring out of her mouth, too fast for him to get in a reply.

"I'm sorry," he muttered at last. "Harvey is fine given the circumstances that's the only reason I even considered taking the meeting. As for me, I'm tired out of my mind, but I'm all right. I'm going back to the hospital to check on Harvey now and after that I'll just sink into one of those heavenly 5 star beds and sleep."

"God, Donna is worried out of her mind. She tries not to let it show but with neither you nor Harvey answering your phones..." Mike closed his eyes, trying not to imagine how the nescience must be taking Donna apart.

"Do you want to talk about how it happened?" Rachel asked quietly and Mike knew that she knew how much this all had rattled him.

"Yes, but I'm almost at the hospital and my battery is dying. I promise I'll make Harvey call Donna. And… Rach… it was good to hear your voice…"

"It was good to hear yours too… If you want to talk later just call, okay? Even if it's the middle of the night for me."

"Thanks, I will. I really love you, you know."

"I do."

He hung up, feeling a bit more at ease. The meeting had gone well, and talking to Rachel had been a lot better than he expected. He had been afraid she might be mad at him for not calling earlier, but probably she was just glad it hadn't been him.

He tipped the cab driver generously when they arrived and started to walk straight to Harvey's room.

„Excuse me, where do you think you're going? Visiting hours are over."

 _Visiting hours?_ Shit, he hadn't even thought about such things.

"I'm sorry," he said turning to the woman at the information desk. „Could you maybe make an exception? I promise I'll be short."

The woman seized him up and down with her eyes, and for a moment he thought about slapping her with a lawsuit to get his way. Of course, he didn't know much about British law, but surely he could improvise something.

Then suddenly her features became soft and … sad.

"You're here for Harvey Specter, aren't you?"

"Yes," he blurted. „Why?"

The woman did not reply but bowed her head. Mike felt his heartrate accelerating as his mind started to put pieces together.

"No," he gasped. The woman just continued to look at him sadly.

His legs felt like jelly as he spurted down the floor. This couldn't be possible… Harvey had been fine for God's sake!

Why had he gone to this stupid meeting?

He burst into Harvey's room prepared for the worst. For a lifeless figure on Harvey's bed, for an empty bed…

What he found was Harvey reading a newspaper utterly amused as he stormed into the room.

"Hey, tiger. Wasn't sure you were going to come back tonight."

"But the nurse…" Mike blurted out. She had seemed so sad and he had been so sure there was something wrong with Harvey.

"So that's where you were at? A nurse? I mean we have gone through the nurse jokes before, but I'm sure with all the time I have at hand I can come up with a few new ones..."

It was then, that Mike realised that Harvey's grin was probably not just caused by the joy of being still alive.

"Geez, you set me up, didn't you? You had the nurse look all sad when I asked for you…"

"I did no such thing," Harvey said, but his smirk was telling the truth.

"Goddamn, Harvey, you nearly gave _me_ a heart attack!" Mike was too relieved to be mad but this joke had certainly not been one he appreciated. He took a few breaths to calm himself down.

"I guess that renders the question how you're doing superfluous?"

Harvey shrugged, still a smug smile on his face. "How did the meeting go?"

"Well. But you're not going to trick me into talking about work. The doctor said you should rest."

„I am resting," Harvey pointed out. „I'm here in this bed, I didn't do anything but resting since I got here. Actually, I would bet you look worse than me at the moment."

Mike was not going to dispute that. Harvey had regained some colour and if Mike looked anywhere near as tired as he felt, Harvey was probably better off by comparison.

"Fine. I need you to call Donna though. Rachel says she's worrying sick about you."

Harvey scowled. This clearly wasn't a phone call he was looking forward to. Even though he had probably shown more weakness in front of Donna than of anyone else, that didn't mean he liked doing it.

"All right, give me your phone." He stretched out his hand whining a little when the IV needle shifted in his hand.

"You okay?" Mike asked, instantly back to worrying.

"Yes," Harvey said rolling his eyes.

He took Mike's phone, scrolling through the contacts to find Donna's number.

"Harvey Specter's office." For everyone else it probably sounded normal, but Harvey heard the cracks in her voice.

"Donna. It's me."

"Oh God, Harvey! How are you feeling? Are you alright? Will you be alright?"

„Hey, easy," he said with a smile. „I'm fine. I promise. It was nothing but a little scare…"

"A little scare? This sounds like a pretty big scare to me! Are you still in the hospital? Are you following the doctor's orders?"

Harvey sighed. "Two times yes. Don't worry, I will eat all my vegetables and stay in this god damn bed as long as I'm told to."

"Promise?"

"Promise." He heard Donna exhale and could almost feel her relax a little through the phone.

"You really scared me, Harvey…"

"I know. I'm sorry for that, Donna." Mike's phone gave an angry rumble, suggesting that the battery was about to die.

"Sorry, Donna, I have to go, Mike's phone is almost gone. Please, don't worry too much, okay?"

"You know I can't promise that," Donna said in a small voice.

"I do… " Harvey disconnected and gave the phone back to Mike.

"Thanks. This was something I needed to do…"

Mike nodded. "Jessica wanted you to call as well, but I'm not sure if my phone will handle that."

Harvey shook his head. 2Don't worry about it, she'll be fine."

He sighed looking at the big bags under Mike's eyes. "You should probably go and get yourself some sleep…" He would have liked Mike to stay but that would have been selfish. After all he was also the reason why Mike hadn't caught any sleep the night before.

"You're sure, you're fine? There won't be any more sad-faced nurses when I come back tomorrow?"

"No, there won't," Harvey promised.


	7. Texts

Mike reclaimed their luggage the next day. Everything was still there, except for Harvey's phone but that could have gone missing anywhere between New York and the London hospital. Mike simply bought a new one, not really caring that is was more expensive there than it would have been in the States. He could most likely charge it back to the firm anyway.

"I got your suitcase," he pointed out to Harvey when he stopped by the hospital, though it was pretty obvious from the fact that he was dragging the thing behind him. "Also got your wallet," he handed it to Harvey, "and your passport. Your phone is gone, but I bought a new one and put in all the numbers I remembered, which were... let's see... all of them."

"Thanks, Mike." It was only when Harvey took the phone that Mike realised something was off.

"Is that a bruise on your cheek?" It was very light but as Mike came closer he was sure to be right.

"Did you get into a fight with one of the nurses?"

"No," Harvey said affronted. "It's nothing," he added shifting away from Mike's gaze.

"Whoa, if you put it like that it's certainly not nothing! What happened, Harvey?"

Harvey looked at Mike defiantly, probably trying to throw him off, but Mike wouldn't have that.

"I fainted," Harvey admitted at last.

"You fainted? When were you thinking to tell me that? Were you even going to?"

"No, I wasn't. Look, it's hardly relevant. Actually, it's a good sign. Fainting is a sign of low blood pressure. That's good for my heart."

"Not when you hit your head when you fall down," Mike snorted, reaching out to touch the bruise. Harvey flinched away at first but then allowed Mike to gently prod it.

"You know, I'd just stopped worrying about you a little…" Mike bit his lips. He had to go now, to get to the next meeting, but he wasn't sure he could leave Harvey alone. What if something happened while he was gone? He would never be able to forgive himself.

"Mike, I don't need a wet nurse watching over me all day," Harvey pointed out when he saw Mike was planning to settle in. "Just go to the meeting, I'll be fine."

Mike did not move.

"I can give you hourly updates with that new phone you got me if you want…" Harvey suggested, waving said phone around.

Mike gave Harvey a once-over not sure how to react. Yes, Harvey looked all right, but if he had fainted he couldn't really be… On the other hand it was stupid to blow the merger, just for sitting next to a hospital bed when there wasn't much he could do anyway…

"Hourly," Mike said sternly. "And if you miss one, I'll throw the meeting and come right back here."

"Deal."

* * *

9:05 **#1: Lying on my bed. Nothing happened.**

9:57 **#2: Lying on my bed. Nothing happened.**

10:56 **#3: Maybe I should have made you stay. I'm bored out of my mind.**

11:50 **#4: Are you sure you want me to keep doing this? I don't know what to write because nothing goddamn happens.**

12:30 **#5: The hot nurse asked for you. Think she's got a crush on you. Or more likely she has a crush on me and just wants to make conversation.**

13:13 **#6: Are you even reading this? Or are you busy blowing the merger?**

13:14 **I'm not blowing the merger!**

13:16 **#7: Whoa, you're touchy. Calm down, too much stress might give you a heart attack.**

13:16 **Not funny.**

14:10 **#8: Sorry…**

15:16 **Harvey? It's been over an hour, but if you reply in the next five minutes I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.**

15:21 **You promise not to freak out?**

15:21 **No. What the hell happened?"**

15:23 **I overdid it a bit at the CPX. Got that stupid oxygen mask again."**

Mike stared at the text. It was clear Harvey was trying to make it sound as though it was no big deal, but Mike knew that deep down he was probably just as terrified as he was.

"Mr. Ross?"

Mike blinked only now becoming aware that he was still sitting at the conference table. "I'm sorry, Mr Banks."

He glanced back down at the text. "I'm really sorry, but I need to go."

Their client did not seem thrilled to be left without legal support, but most of the negotiating was already done anyway and the signing wouldn't happen until the next day.

"Just send me any adjustments you make to the contracts, I'll go over them tonight." Before Mr Banks even had the chance to reply Mike was already halfway through the door.

* * *

Mike thought Harvey was asleep when he came into the room, but the lawyer opened his eyes as soon as he stepped in. His face had gone back to a slightly greyish colour.

"Mike," Harvey said in a hoarse voice, reaching up to take off the oxygen mask.

"No," Mike said firmly, gently taking Harvey's hand to stop him.

Harvey opened his mouth to talk again, but Mike shook the head to that too.

"Sh, don't talk. Just rest. I promise I'll stay."

Harvey complied, shooting Mike a thankful look. It took some minutes before Harvey closed his eyes again, but when he did his breaths soon evened out and Mike was quite sure he was starting to doze off.

"Oh Harvey," Mike whispered, only now realising he was still holding Harvey's hand. He let go but as he did Harvey started to shift uncomfortably.

He took Harvey's hand again and reached up with his left hand to run his fingers through Harvey's hair, trying to force them upright. They looked sad clinging to Harvey's forehead. Mike wondered if Harvey even knew. They were probably not running around with mirrors here.

For a while Mike just sat there listening to the sound of Harvey's breaths and the soft beep of the heart monitor.

He tried to focus on Harvey's face, tried to focus on the fact that he looked almost peaceful. But with the oxygen mask it didn't get past almost.

Eventually, he took out his phone calling Rachel's number.

"Mike?" She answered after the first ring.

"Hi, Rach…" he said with a smile.

* * *

 **Thanks to Zimdan19 again for proofreading!**

 **Please let me know what you think! (As more than a hundred people made it to the last chapter it can't be too horrible after all ;) )**


	8. Dinner

"You should go back to the hotel…" Mike cringed. He had been reading the changes in the contract and possibly dozed off.

"Harvey," he gasped, realising that Harvey had taken off the oxygen mask. He got up to put it back on, but Harvey shook his head firmly.

"I promise I'll put it back on if I have any trouble breathing, but I can't stand it anymore."

Mike sighed and decided to let Harvey have his way.

"Hey," he exclaimed when he noticed Harvey was reaching over to snatch up the sheets of paper Mike had just put on the lawyer's nightstand.

"What? I'm bored out of my mind just lying here…"

"You're such a workaholic," Mike chastised.

"Oh, come on," Harvey whined when Mike took the papers away. "Do you really think work stresses me out? Besides, you need to sleep. I can go over this when you're back in the hotel and give you what I found tomorrow."

The offer was tempting but it felt incredibly wrong to have Harvey work instead of him.

"You need to sleep too."

"Mike, I just slept a couple of hours and I'm probably still more on a New York schedule anyway. I'm wide awake and if you don't let me have that contract I'll read a newspaper instead."

"Then do that," Mike snapped.

"I was just trying to help…" Harvey said looking a bit hurt.

"I know. But you could really help me by trying not to pass out again or to get yourself wearing that oxygen mask."

"I'm sorry, Mike. I'm sorry, that I've put you through this. I promise if I feel ever so slightly sick or tired or short of breath I will stop."

Mike hesitated.  
"Fine… Wait." He paused, noticing the smug expression on Harvey's face. „You just closed me, didn't you?"

„Possibly."

Mike shook his head, but couldn't help smiling. It was the first time in days that he thought that things with Harvey might just go back to normal.

* * *

Mike returned to the hotel early in the evening the following day. The signing had gone well, leaving everyone happy, as it should go with good mergers. In settlements, happy parties were usually a bad sign, but for mergers it was great. Mr Banks, not too offended about Mike walking out of the meeting anymore, had offered him to join their celebratory dinner, but Mike had declined. He needed to spend at least some hours with Harvey in the hospital. After all he had nobody else here and it felt cruel to have him lay there by himself all day. He would just slip into his room to change into more casual clothing and maybe call Rachel.

Only, when he walked into his room, it wasn't empty.

„What the hell are you doing here?" he asked, gaping at Harvey.

The lawyer was sitting on the bed, reading one of Mike's bike magazines.

"This is the room I booked," Harvey said calmly, not looking up from the magazine. "Though I already had the feeling you might have taken it… The hotel seemed a bit to classy to provide those," he said holding up the magazine.

"That's not what I meant," Mike said sharply. „You're supposed to be in the hospital!"

"To what end? I was bored out of my mind there, and there was not much they can do for me at the moment."

"You… you…" Mike was grasping for words. He just knew Harvey being here was wrong, because he was overestimating himself. "Were they okay with you leaving?" he asked at last.

Harvey shrugged. "They were fine after I signed some papers relieving them from any responsibility. But I didn't sneak out of there, Mike. Being here is hardly more risky than to be at the hospital. All they did was giving me some pills and I can do that myself."

Mike was still not convinced. "What if you have another heart attack?"

"Then you'll hopefully remember that it is 999 here and not 911 you have to call."

"Harvey!" This was decidedly not funny.

"Calm down, Mike. I'm not going to spend the rest of my days in hospital. I even rescheduled our flights because I knew you wouldn't approve of us flying tomorrow."

"Our flights?" Mike echoed. "To when?"

"Saturday…"

"You are planning to get on a plane again? On Saturday? After what the last flight did to you?"

Harvey frowned. "What are you getting at?"

"You can't fly back, Harvey! You'll have another heart attack!"

"It's not significantly more likely to have another heart attack right after another one, Mike. I did some research…"

"That's probably not true in situations of utter distress! I've seen you on that plane, Harvey! You can't put yourself through that again!"

"What are you suggesting then? That I stay in England for the rest of my days?" Harvey had raised his voice, and Mike winced.

„Harvey, please, calm down!" He could taste panic on his tongue. This wasn't resting, this was probably dangerous for Harvey's heart.

Harvey took a deep breath clearly ready to lead into the offensive but something on Mike's face must have changed his mind, because his features softened.

"God, you're shaking kid." Mike only then realised that he was but the thought of Harvey having another heart attack was just too stressful.

"Hey, come on, sit down." He allowed Harvey to guide him to the bed, feeling hot tears rise in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. But I need to go back to New York. My whole life is there. I checked with the doctor, by Saturday flying should be fine…"

"Have you told him about your panic attacks?"

There was a moment of hesitation. "No. But I really don't have another choice than to fly back."

"You could take a ship," Mike muttered, but Harvey just snorted. "Mike, I have spent more time on planes than you did in law school, I'll be fine tagging on a few hours more."

Despite himself Mike let out a snorting laughter. "More time than I spent in law school? Really?"

„Well, Mr Banks called and told me you're a damn good lawyer, so you must have spent some time there." Harvey gave him an encouraging tap on the shoulder.

Mike allowed himself to sink against Harvey's side. With his ear resting on his chest he could hear Harvey's heart, evenly beating in his chest.

"Fine, I guess we're going to fly back Saturday then…" He knew he couldn't change Harvey's mind, not when he was so determined. All what fighting was going to achieve was make him angry.

„Great. And now we go out and have dinner. I know you blew Mr. Banks's invitation because of me and I can't send you back to Rachel with you having eaten nothing but hospital food."

Mike winced. „Is that really necessary? We could just go to the hotel's restaurant or something. Or order in. There is an app that will have people order at a restaurant for you if it doesn't deliver…"

Harvey snorted. "No, we're going out. What use is it to be in London when you only see a hotel room?"

'Or a hospital room,' Mike thought bitterly but he knew arguing was to no avail.

* * *

Harvey had insisted on going out for dinner because he wanted to give things a touch of normality.

It became clear very soon though that the idea wasn't working out: Mike kept looking at him worriedly and did not even have the grace to stop when Harvey caught him staring.

Harvey tried his best to be responsible, not even attempting to order alcohol and taking vegetables rather than a mouth-watering steak.

It was halfway through dinner that Harvey decided he had had enough. Mike had hardly touched his steak and clearly didn't seem to be enjoying himself any more than Harvey was.

"You know what? You win, we go back to the hotel." His voice was bitter with disappointment as he wiped his mouth and put down the cutlery.

"Why? You're not feeling well?" Mike asked in alarm, hand reaching out to check Harvey's pulse.

"I'm fine," Harvey snapped, withdrawing his wrist. "I just can't stand you looking at me as if I'm about to collapse!"

"Harvey!" It was another plead to calm down, Harvey could see that on Mike's face but this time he didn't want to let it go.

"I'm fine," he snapped again. He jumped to his feet, bumping into a waiter he hadn't seen. A flask of water poured over his chest, making him flinch with the sudden cold. Automatically he reached up to his chest to pull the drenched shirt from his skin.

"Harvey!" Mike's hands were suddenly on his shoulders, trying to guide him to the ground. "How bad is the pain- Someone call an ambulance!"

"No one calls anything!" Harvey barked, pushing Mike away. "For God's sake, I'm fine!"

"I saw you grabbing at your chest!" Mike insisted. "You are having chest pains, you're..."

"My chest is drenched with cold water, sorry that I reached for it!"

"Are you alright, Sir?" the waiter cut in, visibly paled.

"Yes," Harvey said sharply, his furious look still fixed on Mike.

"I can have this dry cleaned for you, Sir..." the waiter added trying to take off Harvey's suit.

"It's fine, it's just water," Harvey snapped. Under other circumstances he probably would have had the restaurant buy three new suits, but now he couldn't stand the thought of someone else fretting over him.

"I'll leave," he said to the waiter as much as Mike, pulling out a couple of pound notes. He just left them on the table as he walked out, still seething with anger.

"Harvey." Mike had hurried after him.

"Mike, not now."

He couldn't even look at the kid knowing that he would see that worried face again.

"Harvey, please," Mike begged.

Harvey ignored him and hailed a cab.

He knew that he needed to blow off steam and that Mike's presence was not helping.

"Harvey!" Mike's voice was thick with worry and regret. "Please! I'm sorry!"

Harvey closed the cab's door in Mike's face.

"Go," he snapped at the cab driver.

"Where?"

"I don't care!"

Harvey wouldn't have put it past Mike to jump in front of the cab but they got going before the kid could do anything stupid.

Harvey watched him in the rear mirror trying to get a cab himself. He smiled contently as they turned the corner before he could.

It took a few deep breaths for Harvey to calm down enough to apologise to the cab driver. He briefly thought about going to the hotel, but then that was#the# last place he wanted to be. Even if he could keep Mike from getting into his room, he would be locked up again.

"Tower Bridge," he said, picking the first sight that popped into his mind.

What use was it to be in London when he had not even seen that?

They arrived only a couple of minutes later, the cab driver just stopping #in#the middle of the road.

As he had not expected to be outside Harvey had not brought a coat but it was a warm summer night and even with his wet clothes he didn't feel too cold.

He opted for a lazy stroll along the Thames, taking in the city lights. The city was quite different from New York, with the buildings not nearly as tall and no constant sound of sirens. They were there too but less frequent and in an unfamiliar rhythm.

He let his mind wander, thinking about everything but his current situation. He thought of Scottie, who had lived here, thought about the things they did in law school, thought about them laughing and fighting. The memories were bitter sweet, but with no strings attached. They did not lead him to think about the things he did not want to contemplate right then.

It was his body that forced him back into the here and now. It was not much, just a sense of tiredness, a slight shortness of breath. Signs he would have normally ignored, but he knew that he was not quite up to his normal strength.

He paused, leaning against the handrails to let the light summer breeze run over his face.

He took out his phone then, finding tons of missed calls and messages. Most were from Mike, but almost as many from Donna. One was from Jessica, another from Rachel. He knew that the right thing would be to call Mike, to tell him he was fine, but he felt that it would just lead to another argument. Same with Donna.

So instead he selected Jessica. He owed her a call anyway.

"Harvey." Jessica's voice was calm as always, maybe with a hint of annoyance or worry but even he couldn't quite pick up on it.

"Hi Jessica... You called." There was a slight snort at the other end of the line.

"You can't be surprised about that. Mike has called the office about twenty times in the last hour to see if any of us had reached you… You scared the kid by wandering off all on your own."

"I know. And I'm sorry for it," he hesitated but then decided to speak his mind. "I just couldn't stand him fretting about me anymore. He kept looking at me as if I was about to break down."

"Well, after he witnessed you having a heart attack, he's hardly to blame…" There was a pause. "Where are you now?"

"I don't really know," Harvey admitted. "I've just kept walking by the Thames."

"Oh, Harvey," Jessica sighed. "You know that Donna wanted to fly straight to London when I told her?"

"No…" Harvey shifted uncomfortably. He didn't know if he had wanted her to come. Donna was the person who he had shown the most weakness to, the one he was almost comfortable showing it to. But only almost.

"I talked her out of it," Jessica said. "I did not think you would want her there, and Mike said you were okay."

"Thank you," Harvey said quietly.

"I'm not sure I made the right call there," Jessica sighed.

"You did. I…" He tried to find the words but they wouldn't come. He could not quite explain it, but Jessica understood some parts of him even Donna didn't. It were things Donna was aware of, but which she couldn't accept, knowing that they were one of the reasons responsible for keeping them apart all those years.

"It's fine, Harvey," Jessica said. "Now go back to the hotel and tell Mike he has done great with the merger. Tell him you're sorry and that you are thankful that he's taken care of you."

"That sounds a lot like something Donna might say," Harvey pointed out.

"Well, that's because everyone except you knows that those are the things you are supposed to do."

Harvey couldn't help a smile. "Fine… Anything else?"

"Yes… Don't you dare have another heart attack." Despite her stern voice, Harvey knew Jessica was smiling, half a world away.

"I won't. This is not a battle I intend to loose."


	9. Another One

The conversation with Jessica left Harvey in an upbeat mood, but as he pushed himself back to his feet, he felt off balance, his vision fading for a split second.

His hands clutched the rail, knuckles turning white as he drew a few deep breaths.

Only now he started to realise how long he had been walking and how much it had drained him. Maybe if he sat down for a while...

He was about to turn and lower himself to the ground, when someone said "Harvey?"

It wasn't Mike's voice, but it was still utterly familiar.

He forced himself to turn around holding on tightly to the rails as a wave of dizziness hit him. He still put on a smile, keeping his eyes open, even if parts of his vision were blacking out.

When he could see again, he found Scottie, looking just as surprised as he was.

"It is you! What are you doing in London, Harvey?"

"What are _you_ doing here? I thought you were still working in New York..." Last he heard she had been working for some other law firm and if he didn't have to concentrate so much on staying upright, he'd have known which.

Scottie didn't reply and something told Harvey she wanted to get out of the conversation as much as him. There was that familiar ringing in his ears again and he noticed that he was starting to gasp for air.  
For a split second, he contemplated asking Scottie to call an ambulance.

But then he realised why she was so uncomfortable: there was a toddler clasping her hand. He could be no older than three.

"What's that?" he asked, staring at the boy.

"This is a child, Harvey. You should know that because you're acting like one all the time." Her voice sounded hurt, though Harvey couldn't say why as he was too occupied fighting to keep his breathing steady.

"Yours?" he managed, and even though it was more of a grunt Scottie didn't seem to pick up on it.

"Yes, Harvey, he's mine."

When he managed to look up he could see tears in her eyes, tears he couldn't explain. But tears were good. He needed her to leave, and if she was hurt she would be easier to drive away. In any case, he wasn't going to pass out in front of the little boy.

"Well, it's been nice to see you." The words came out almost normal, but he had to turn around to hide the pain on his face. His arms were hurting, his sweaty palms barely holding on to the rails.

He squeezed his eyes shut in pain, the ringing in his ears too loud to hear what Scottie said anymore.

"Harvey? Harvey, are you alright?"

The voice was closer to his ear, and with his last strength he managed to put on a neutral face as he turned towards her. Scottie was standing only a foot away, concern written all over her face.

"Yes," Harvey said defiantly. „Not that that's any of your business."  
He paused, trying not to double over in pain and to find the words that would make her go away.

"You never paid back the buy-in." He knew it would hurt Scottie that he went for that and indeed her expression hardened.

"That's… that's what you want to talk about?"

"It was half a million dollars. You never even thanked me for it."

"I never asked you for it either!"

He gave a cold snort, turning his back on her again.

"You're such an ass, Harvey!"

Harvey did not reply but when he risked a quick glance he saw her snatch up the child and walk away, not looking back once.

If she had, she would have seen how Harvey's legs gave way under him and he slid down the rails, hands clutched to his hurting chest.


	10. Missing

Mike flinched violently at the sound of his phone. With a trembling hand he reached into his pocket. He had not slept in the last three days, even though it seemed as if he had dozed off just then, because he didn't have any recollection of the last few minutes.  
He glanced at the caller's ID hoping for it to be British or unknown. But it was only Rachel's name on the display.

He accepted the call, but didn't manage to say anything but "Hi".

"Hi, Mike…" Rachel sounded tired even though for her it was the middle of the day. "You still haven't found him?"

Mike shook his head, forgetting for a moment that she couldn't see.

"No… " There were over 60 hospitals in London, and he had been to every single one, asking if there was a Harvey Specter, or an unknown patient who fit Harvey's description.

„Oh, Mike," Rachel said wincing in sympathy. "Donna and I have tried to call the hospitals too…"

Mike knew they had, he had heard more than once that he was not the only one looking for a Harvey Specter. But all their combined efforts had not led to any results.

It had been five hours now since he had checked the last hospital. Not finding Harvey there had left him curiously empty. He had plunged into calling hotels and airlines, knowing fully well that his efforts were most likely in vain. Even if Harvey had checked into another hotel there were too many in London to have any chance of finding him and most of the airlines wouldn't even tell him if they had ever heard the name Harvey Specter.

"How many hospitals do you have left?"

Mike looked down at his list even though he knew. "None. I might go back to a few though…"

He had left all of them their phone number, but he wasn't sure if the notice scribbled down on the information desk wasn't lost half of the times.

"I'm sure he's fine," Rachel said, but Mike knew she was only saying that to console him.

„It has almost been 48 hours now, Rachel… If he is conscious he would have called by now. He could never to that to me… Maybe he's unconscious…"

But with every hour that passed there was a worse fear creeping into his mind, the fear that Harvey could be… He didn't allow himself to think the word yet, but the moment when he would allow himself to think it was coming closer.

Just like he had accepted the possibility that Harvey had had another heart attack Wednesday afternoon. Now it was Friday.

"Have you slept?" Rachel asked quietly.

Mike knew she didn't want him to think that she was worrying more about him than about Harvey, but he knew himself that he was pushing himself too hard.

"No. I can't, Rachel. Not when I have no idea where he is or what happened to him… If only I hadn't let him walk away…"

He felt tears rising in his bloodshot eyes. He could have just pretended to be alright with Harvey going out for dinner. It had not been that dangerous, he saw that now.  
Harvey had been willing to accept his weakness after all, he might have even admitted to feeling unwell if he had had another heart attack and then Mike could have gotten him into a hospital quickly enough...

"Mike, it's not your fault," Rachel said quietly. "It was Harvey's decision to walk out on you. You couldn't have stopped him… I'm sure you'll find him soon."

Mike felt a lump in his throat not allowing him to talk.

„I… I have to go…" he managed at last and disconnected.

It took him a moment to remember where he was. It was St James park. He had gone there in the vain hope of just running into Harvey. Maybe Harvey was just playing tourist after all, maybe the deafening silence didn't mean something bad had happened... It was only foolish thinking of course.

The park was close to Victoria's hospital though, so that was where he went next. It was the hospital he had been to first, the one that was most likely, but also so big that he wasn't sure if they would realise they had Harvey, let alone remember about the phone number he had left at the information desk.

He hailed a cab, almost falling asleep during the five minute drive.

His stomach was grumbling angrily. He did not recall when he had last eaten something. He could have remembered if he had tried a little, but he did not really want to know.  
When he walked to the information desk he was swaying slightly, and he saw the nurse starting to get up. He shook his head, leaning against the counter to steady himself.

"I'm looking for a Harvey Specter," he said, as he had sixty times during the last two days. If it had been any other task, it would have been a routine by now, but this still made his heart rate pick up.

"Are you family?" the lady asked, starting to type in her computer.

"I'm his fiancé." The lie came easily by now. Neither friend nor employee seemed to cut it. He had thought about going with son, but the age difference was just not big enough. If he just replied 'yes' to the family question, they usually wanted the exact relation, and neither nephew nor cousin were much better than friend. Also when he gave them his name, the different last name usually made them suspicious. He supposed he could have also gone with boyfriend, but why not make it as official as possible?

"I'm sorry but there is no one by this name in this hospital," the woman told him. It was little surprising. If Harvey had been well enough to give his name, he would have at least told them to contact the firm, and Mike didn't think that he still had his wallet. There were business cards in there and someone would have called the firm.

"Was there someone brought in recently whose name you don't know?" he tried. "Most likely Tuesday night, or maybe Wednesday. Or maybe even later…" He didn't want to be too restricting.

The woman snorted. "Was there someone? There are usually ten people a day whose identity we don't know. Lots of people get their wallet stolen, or don't even have an ID on them…"

Mike already knew that, because that was what he had been told at least twenty times in the last twenty-four hours.

"He probably had a heart attack. He is caucasian, dark blond hair. He's 6 ft tall. Sporty type."

"You know, you seem to be fishing in the dark here a bit, my dear… You have little idea when he was brought in but you think it was a heart attack…"

Mike only just kept himself from groaning. Why couldn't she just go on and look if they had anyone fitting his description?

"He had a heart attack earlier this week, that's why I think he might have had another one. But I haven't seen him since Tuesday evening because we had a fight, so I don't know when he was brought in."

He really wished he could have threatened a lawsuit, but reminding people of the law usually only led to them refusing to give any patient details.

The lady sighed. "Who proposed?" she asked then.

"What?"

"You said he was your fiancé, so who proposed?"

"I did," Mike said, knowing he only needed to make something up. "I gave him my Grandfather's ring…" He basically retold his proposal to Rachel, careful not to say'‚she' instead of 'he'. The woman looked him up and down after he had finished, and Mike couldn't do anything but stand there and await her sentence.

"Please," he whispered, his voice cracking.

At last the woman gave him a warm smile. "I'll see what I can do. Just wait over there for a bit… "

"Thank you," he said even though telling him to wait felt like sentencing him to live in hell. 

* * *

"Mr Ross?" He must have dozed off again, because he woke up as someone gently nudged his shoulder.

"Yes," he said, blinking awake. The lady from the information desk was standing over him, smiling gently.

"I feel a bit bad about giving you a hard time, you really seem to worry about him."

Mike did not reply. He didn't really care how caring he came across as long as he got his answer.

"I have found someone who might fit your description…"

It was not the first time Mike had heard these words in the last few days, but he felt the familiar mix of excitement and fright rise in his chest. As much as he wanted to find Harvey, part of him still hoped that he wasn't in a hospital, but that he would just show up, unscathed.

"He is in intensive care and actually not allowed any visitors… Especially when they are not family. But I can have you let a peak and when it's him, we'll see from there, all right?"

Mike nodded.

He followed the lady, his stomach clenching more with each step. /Intensive care/ echoed through his head and he had to forcibly remind himself how much better that was than morgue.

"I'll go in and pull up the blinds," the nurse explained as they had stopped in front of a room. Mike nodded trying to take deep breaths to calm himself. It probably wasn't Harvey anyway…

It took his eyes a moment to focus when the nurse drew up the blinds, to find the human being between all the tubes and wires…  
For half a second he thought he recognised Harvey's spiky hair and his heart nearly stopped.

But then he focused on the face. It wasn't Harvey's.

Whoever the poor guy lying there was, it wasn't Harvey. Mike shook his head, not sure if he was relieved or disappointed


	11. To Be Expected

Harvey curled his hand into a fist, only just fighting off the urge to slam it against the wall. He wondered what people would have said, if they could see him now. Probably that it had always been just a matter of time until he got himself into such a situation.

After Scottie had left, he had clung to the rails for about ten more minutes until the heart attack, or whatever it had been, had worn off. He had just staggered to his feet when the bloody kid came by. Not Mike of course, but some random Londoner kid, almost knocking him over as he whizzed past on his skateboard. His wallet and his phone had been gone after that.  
He remembered cursing himself for being such easy pray.

The policemen he had then stumbled into on his way to, well, anywhere, had not been the relief he had hoped for.  
They kept insisting on him showing them an ID even after he'd explained five times that he had just been mugged.  
Probably insulting them had not helped either, but the last few days had been too much of a disaster to keep his calm.

They had brought him to the police station, where he had committed his greatest error so far. When asked if he wanted a solicitor he had smugly said that he could act as his own attorney.  
Only it turned out that they didn't just have him for a few mild insults but he was also accused of entering the UK illegally. There was no record of a Harvey Specter coming into the UK, which either meant that he was assuming a false identity or, well, that he had entered illegally.

Either of those things were enough to slap him with a terrorist status, banning him from making any phone calls. It was then that Harvey realised having an attorney who actually knew something about British law might come in handy, but they had him on record saying he didn't need legal support and were just ignoring every time that he said otherwise.

In addition, the chief, or whatever he was called here, didn't like Americans and least of all know-it-all Americans. So Harvey's trying to argue with American law had more than backfired.

„I want to make a bloody phone call!" Harvey shouted, not sure if there was anyone to hear. He had no idea how long he had been in the cell. There were no clocks, but he had been given food four times already. It felt as if he had been locked up for more than a day, but as he had slept for some time it was impossible to tell. He wished that he had at least known how long they were allowed to keep him.

To his surprise, the door to the corridor his cell was in, opened.

"Mr Specter," the officer said. "Your attorney arrived."

Harvey felt a wave of relief wash over him. Finally. Whoever there was waiting for him, there had to be a way to bribe him into calling the firm. Surely they would be able to work things out from there. Briefly he allowed himself to wonder how Mike was doing. Was he trying to get him out? Did he even know he was here?

He followed the guard through the corridor, glad they didn't bother to handcuff him. He was still in his suit, and even though it was probably showing signs of daylong wear it gave him the illusion of being in control. He wondered who the attorney was going to be. He had tried requesting Scottie but he was not sure if she would come for him, even if they reached out to her.

It was not Scottie who awaited him. It was Edward Darby.

"Edward..." Harvey said, barely hiding his surprise. He was not sure how he felt about that. Darby always seemed to have respected him, but they hadn't exactly ended the merger on good terms.

"Harvey," the other lawyer replied, with this soft voice of his. "I wasn't sure it was actually going to be you."

"Well, it is," Harvey said, sitting down across the table. He cleared his throat. "I hope there are not... any hard feelings after this unfortunate merger?"

Darby just looked at him for a moment then shook his head.

"You won and I accept that. I'm not here to take revenge. Not after Dana Scott has returned to me." Harvey gave a short thankful nod and Darby looked down at the paperwork in front of him.

"Is there any truth in these allegations? Did you enter the UK illegally?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. "I must admit I would have been surprised if you had gone into smuggling. Or maybe not. You always liked dancing the line."

Harvey scoffed. "I had a heart attack at immigrations," he explained. The words were still hard to pronounce and he didn't like admitting to his weakness in front of Darby. "I guess that's why my paperwork doesn't check out."

"A heart attack?"

Harvey felt Darby's eyes running over him, trying to see signs of a lie. Maybe there was also worry in them but he didn't bother to look up to check. He gave a simple nod for confirmation.

„Well," Darby began to explain about the rights he had when arrested, but Harvey did not listen. He focused on taking conscious slow breaths, just on the verge of sounding laboured.

„Harvey, are you all right?"

Harvey gave no reply, then with a whimper his hand shot up to his chest.

"Harvey?" There certainly was worry in Darby's voice now but Harvey did not reply. He kept clutching at his chest, sucking in air sharply.

Slowly he slid off his chair, eyes squeezed shut.

"Someone call an ambulance!"

Harvey heard Darby push back his chair. Moments later the British lawyer was kneeling next to him.

„Harvey? Is this another heart attack?"

When Darby started to feel for his pulse, Harvey started to shake, his breathing getting even more laboured.

* * *

 **First of all thanks to Zimdan19 again for all the beta work!  
Also a very big thank you for the reviews! I have been thrilled to read them! **


	12. Fiancé

By the time the ambulance arrived Harvey was exhausted. He had kept pretending to hyperventilate for ten minutes straight and tensed his muscles until they were actually shaking with exhaustion. Conveniently, he had started sweating at some point too.

Maybe he could have tried faking a heart attack earlier, but the risk of anyone calling the bluff had just seemed too high. Thankfully, Darby had more taken to holding his hand than to feeling his pulse. Also, Darby was more likely to insist on taking him to an actual hospital rather than some prison facility.

When the paramedics arrived, Harvey felt them putting on the dreaded oxygen mask again and finally dared to open his eyes. He had squeezed them shut the whole time, afraid that looking too focused might give him away.

"Sir, can you hear me?"

Harvey gave a confirmative blink, jaw still clenched to suggest he was in pain.

"Patient responsive," the paramedic said. "We'll put you on a gurney now and take you straight to the hospital, Sir."

Harvey hoped his smile looked more thankful than triumphant.

* * *

"I want to make a phone call!"

"Sir, you need to calm down. A heart attack is nothing to take lightly. We can't subject you to any stress at the moment."

"The only reason I am stressed is that I cannot make a goddamn phone call!" Harvey was on the verge of yelling, but he did not care. He could hear that the soft beep of the heart monitor accelerated but he didn't care about that either. He needed to call the firm. Actually he needed to call Mike, but because he did not have the kid's goddamn memory he didn't know his number by heart.

"Who do you want to call?" the dragon asked. Actually the dragon was a nurse, but Harvey had made up that nickname when she had caught him sneaking out of his room and literally locked him in it. _Literally_. He could think of no way that had been legal.

"My firm," Harvey replied hotly.

"Wrong answer," the dragon said with a somewhat sardonic smile. "We get your type all the time, you know. Very important business people who work themselves into an early grave, because their life depends on making money. But that's not happening on my watch."

"I NEED TO…" Harvey hardly felt anything but he noticed the heart monitor falling out of rhythm as his heart missed a beat. It was not enough to set off an alarm but it cut him off.

"See," the dragon said. "That'll happen when you overwork yourself. So your choice is to calm down or to be sedated."

Harvey swallowed hard. The anger had turned to fear, he could taste its bitter flavour in his mouth. He sank back on his pillows listening to his heart beat, wondering how long it would stay steady.

* * *

It took an hour before the dragon returned and Harvey fought off the urge to sit up as soon as she did. It would only antagonise her. To his surprise she was smiling softly.

"Your fiancé is here," she said.

Harvey gaped at her. Fiancée? Either the conversation with Scottie had been really, really different from what he remembered or this was some mix-up.

Either way, whoever it was might have a phone he could burrow.

"I'm glad to hear that," he replied, hoping his expression did not give away that he had no idea what was going on.

The dragon left and came back two minutes later, behind her… Mike.

"There he is," the dragon said, and Harvey could feel his face light up in a smile. Goddamn the kid was good!

'Fiancé?' he mouthed as Mike came in.

But Mike did not reply, he hardly even smiled.

"Oh Harvey…" Before Harvey even knew what was happening he had a sobbing Mike clinging to his chest.

„Don't you think you're overdoing it a bit?" Harvey whispered into Mike's ear, awkwardly petting his associate's back.

"I thought you were dead." Mike's voice shook at every word and it suddenly hit Harvey that none of this was acting.

"Mike, I'm fine..."

Another shaky sob escaped Mike's throat, then suddenly his body went still.

"Mike? Mike, are you alright?" Harvey pushed his associate off his chest. "Mike!"

Mike's limp body slid off the bed before Harvey could catch him. An alarm went off, maybe because Harvey's heart was beating too fast, maybe because he pulled a few electrodes as he dived after Mike, kneeling at his side. The kid's eyes were closed, but to Harvey's relieve he was definitely still breathing.

"I need a doctor here!" Harvey shouted. Not that it was necessary with the noise the heart monitor was making.

"He just passed out," he told the doctor who rushed in, hardly banning the panic from his voice.

Mike's hand was taken from his, as the doctor felt for the pulse.

"Did he drink enough the last few days?"

"I don't know!"

Only then Harvey realised how pale Mike looked, noticed the big bags under his eyes. Had the goddamn kid slept at all those past few days?

"He's probably just dehydrated then... And stressed out by your condition. Is he family?"

"He," Harvey said with a wry smile, "is my fiancé."


	13. Rest

An hour later Mike occupied the bed next to Harvey's. The kid was snoring gently and according to the doctor he was going to be all right after a good night's sleep. There was an IV to keep him hydrated, and they had given him sedatives to ensure he would actually sleep the next couple of hours.

Harvey had been given a copy of a newspaper to entertain himself with, but he couldn't help glancing over at Mike every few seconds just to make sure he was still breathing.

Suddenly, the Star Wars theme filled the room, and Harvey almost fell out off his bed, taking it for a crooked alarm. Then, he realised it was Mike's phone.

"Oh shut up," he grumbled, noticing that Mike was shifting in his sleep.

The phone was on Mike's nightstand. Knowing that pulling off the electrodes would set off an alarm, Harvey stretched out as much as he could without actually leaving the bed, but he couldn't reach the cell.

Careful not to pull any electrodes, he rolled on his stomach, putting his right hand on the floor, and reaching out with his left... His fingertips brushed the edges of the still blearing phone but as he pushed himself farther he lost his balance, twisting his wrist as he came crushing down on it. The heart monitor's alarm instantly set off, much louder than the phone had been.

Mike shifted again but didn't wake up.

"Are you okay?" A nurse had rushed in and quickly disabled the heart monitor.

"Yeah," Harvey muttered. "Just needed to get this."

He took the phone, a quick glance telling him it was Rachel who called and declined the call. He tried to push himself to his feet but winced as a sharp pain shot throug his wrist.

"Wait, I'll help you!" Harvey let the nurse help him to get back on the bed, not bothering to tell her about his wrist.

"Hi Rachel," he had dialled her number as soon as the nurse had left.

For a moment there was no answer, then "Harvey?"

"Yes, it's me."

"Oh my God." Rachel's voice was strangely high pitched and Harvey couldn't help worrying that she would start to hyperventilate. "I thought you were dead. Does Mike know? Are you alright?"

"My betrothed? Yeah, he knows."

"Betrothed?" Rachel echoed.

"Oh so he didn't tell you were engaged? Well, I was a bit surprised myself when they told me my fiancé wanted to see me..."

"Harvey," Rachel interrupted, "where the hell have you been? Not that I'm not glad you're fine but you seem so utterly cheerful that I think you could've made one call! One call to tell Mike you're fine. Do you have any idea how much he worried about you? How much Donna worried?"

Harvey swallowed hard. He had a good idea, seeing that Mike had actually passed out from exhaustion when he had come into his room.

"I couldn't call, Rachel," he explained quietly. "I never would have done that to them."

There was only silence and he could tell Rachel didn't quite believe him.

"Can I talk to Mike?" she said, her voice cool.

"No. He's ... asleep." It wasn't a lie, but the words still tasted bitter in his mouth after Rachel had hung up.

* * *

"Remind me never to send the two of you abroad again…" Harvey could hear the amusement behind Jessica's exasperation.

"Hey, the merger went fine, didn't it? I admit that it wasn't exactly part of the plan to end up in hospital or at the police station, but we did what we came for," Harvey pointed out.

Jessica gave a short amused snort. "You'll have to tell me the details of that when you come home… Also, I should give your acting skills more credit. Edward was a wreck when he called me."

Harvey giggled. "Maybe I should apologise to him though," he sighed glancing at the new passport on his nightstand. It had arrived only an hour ago and according to Jessica Darby had sorted out the visa issues.

"Just do it when you're back in New York. I don't want to risk him keeping you in England." Harvey could hear Jessica #draw a # breath and he could picture her face turning more serious. "How's Mike?"

"Still asleep," Harvey said glancing over to the kid. "I doubt that he has slept since I went missing. You should have seen him when he passed out, almost gave me a…"

He was going to say 'heart attack' but the words got stuck in his throat.

"Harvey," Jessica said softly.

He shook his head not wanting to talk about it. „It's nothing. I'm fine."

"If you say so…" It was clear that Jessica was not convinced but she was going to let him have his space. "You'll take two weeks of vacation when you come back though."

He winced. "Are you trying to punish me?"

"I'm trying to be reasonable."

He scoffed. "So you would be thrilled if someone told you to stay in bed for two weeks?"

"I'm not telling you to stay in bed. You could…" Jessica paused. "Well, I don't know," she admitted briskly. „But you shouldn't go straight back to work."

"Thanks for the advice… You really have no idea what to do with your life except for working, do you?" He added with a cocky smile.

"And that's why I don't go and let myself have a heart attack… When will you come back anyway?"

"I haven't rebooked the flight yet. Sunday or Monday probably. I don't want to drag Mike right to the airport after he wakes up."

"All right… Don't let yourself be arrested again in the meantime."

"Not planning to."

"You know I always thought that when you would be arrested I would bail you out…"

"When? Not if?"

"When, Harvey. We both know it was only a matter of time."

"Fine, when then. For the record I would have preferred you over Edward."

"Thank you. So see you on Monday?"

„Monday," Harvey confirmed, feeling as though he had just made a promise.

He hung up, wincing as a jolt of pain shot through his wrist.

It was fine when he didn't move it, but when he did, there was an angry painful throb. He gently flexed his fingers, and drew back his sleeve. There was a bit of swelling and a dark shade of bruising. Well, with everyone telling him to rest, he probably wouldn't have to use the hand much anyway. 


	14. Wrist

"The things I do for love."

"Easy, Jaime. You're letting up, Mike… So it's my turn then…"

Of course, it was a hopeless endeavour to try to win at such a game against Mike. The goddamn kid remembered everything every character had ever said on screen.

Normally, Harvey wouldn't have tried a game he couldn't win, but there was not much else to do.

"'Chaos is a ladder.'"

Mike rolled his eyes. "Littlefinger."

"Nope." Harvey let a mischievous grin steal on his face.

"What? Of course it was him. „Chaos isn't a pit. Chaos is a ladder… He said that to Varys in the throne room."

„He might have. I was thinking about the time when Bran said it though…"

"Bran? Bran never… Damn, that's in one of the episodes I haven't seen yet! That's not fair, Harvey! Also, I _was_ technically right!"

"What is not fair is playing this game with you having an eidetic memory. I win."

* * *

Mike snorted, but couldn't help smiling. He had been to the point where he thought he would never see Harvey again and he just could not be mad at Harvey's obnoxious self.

He bit his lips, not sure how to bring up the next topic without Harvey biting his head off. He seemed in a good mood now and while Mike knew that Harvey never would have wished him any ill, his own passing out had certainly helped Harvey as the doctors' concern was on Mike now.

But even though Harvey was fine according to all the tests the doctors had run, Mike knew that something was slightly off with him. He couldn't place a finger on what it was exactly, and maybe he was just imagining things. But even if there wasn't anything, he still needed to talk about this.

"Harvey," he said softly and he could tell by the way Harvey's head snapped around that the lawyer knew something was up.

"Yes, darling?" he said though, to which Mike rolled his eyes. He so regretted the fiancé-move, as Harvey just refused to let it go.

"So, we leave tonight, spend the night at the hotel and then tomorrow we fly back to New York."

"Yes…? Your point being?"

"It just… It just seems too soon. You know what happened on the last flight…"

Harvey gave a long sigh, but he didn't seem ready to jump at Mike yet. "I do. But Mike, that has never happened before. Maybe it will not happen again. I just want to go back." Harvey looked at him with pleading eyes.

"I know…" Mike grasped for words. His gaze fell on Harvey, Harvey who was almost back to his normal colour and if one had put him in a suit, he might have looked just like his normal invincible self. But again, Mike tripped as he ran his eyes over Harvey because something, something was off.

"Mike?" Harvey prompted, shifting under Mike's gaze. He lowered the magazine he had been holding.

"You're right handed!" Mike blurted out, as the pieces finally started to come together.

"What?!" Harvey looked at Mike as if he had lost his mind, now Mike was certain.

"You're right handed, but you're holding the magazine with your left. You've also used your phone with the left earlier." Mike went through his memories, noticing more and more incidents where Harvey had favoured his left hand.

"You're crazy." But Mike had already gotten off his bed.

"Mike!" Ignoring Harvey's attempts to draw it away, Mike reached for Harvey's right arm. Harvey hissed when he took it and Mike found the lawyer's wrist swollen and bruised.

"Goddamn it, Harvey, I've been wondering the whole time what was wrong with you! I thought you were hiding chest pains!"

Harvey grimaced as Mike felt along his wrist.

„Could you be a bit more careful? That kind of hurts…"

"Oh, yes, God, sorry…" Mike drew back, trying not to laugh with relieve.

„Should I go get a doctor?" Mike added noticing how Harvey was cradling the swollen wrist to his chest.

Harvey gave a shrug.

Mike reached for the call button and sat down on Harvey's mattress. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"I don't know," Harvey muttered, gaze fixed on his slowly moving fingers. "I suppose I didn't think it was that bad at first…"

"How bad is it?" Mike said, carefully reaching out to gently move his fingers over the swollen joint.

"It's fine when I don't move it," Harvey replied evasively.

"You're such a lawyer." Mike shook his head in exasperation. "How did that even happen?"

"Fell off the bed when you were still asleep. It wasn't too graceful."

Mike stepped back when the doctor came, watching as she asked Harvey to flex his fingers and rotate his wrist.

"That hurts!" Harvey snapped when she started prodding his wrist, trying to withdraw it. But it only made him wince in pain.

"Well, it's definitely sprained, Mr Specter," the doctor said, as she got up. "I'll schedule an x-ray to check for fractures. You should just keep it still until then."

Harvey nodded sullenly, a pained scowl on his face.

"Can't you give him some painkillers?" Mike called after the doctor as she left.

"If he wants them?" she asked shooting Harvey a questioning glance.

"No," Harvey said stubbornly, still glaring at his wrist.

* * *

The x-ray showed no fractures so that Harvey was given a simple brace and told not to use his hand for the next couple of days.

It seemed to Mike that Harvey could not quite decide whether to be all whiny or just pretend nothing was wrong. At the moment he seemed to have settled on complaining when it couldn't hurt more than a little and to hide his pain when there actually was any. That seemed more than a bit contradictory to Mike but as long as Harvey wasn't going to try any push-ups, he would simply roll with it.

"You really just brought suits?" Mike asked, carelessly tossing everything that was not causal wear out of the suitcase. They were about to leave the hospital and he needed to find something for Harvey to change into.

"Mike," Harvey said warningly, only just catching a 2000$ vest before it hit the floor. "No, I didn't bring anything else, so just give me a suit and be done with it."

"Fine," Mike said, picking a two part suit, as he had never really liked the vests anyway.

"You need help?" he asked gesturing towards Harvey's wrist.

"I'm fine, thanks," Harvey said with a glare.

Of course, he wasn't. He got the suit on well enough, and even managed to button his shirt one handedly, but binding his tie and his laces was just impossible.

Mike watched him struggle for a while, trying not to start laughing.

"You know," he said when he walked over to Harvey to take the tie from his hands. "I think now I know how it looked when I tried to bind that bow tie."

"No way," Harvey said, holding his head up so that Mike could bind the tie. "You were a lot worse." Mike rolled his eyes and bent down to do Harvey's laces.

"Voilà, little Harvey all set to go," he said when he was done. It brought him another glare but he didn't really care.

* * *

"I suppose we're not going out for dinner?" Harvey sighed, letting himself drop on the bed.

"Actually," Mike said, "I thought we could maybe risk going out… That is as long as you promise not to run away again."

Harvey raised a hand. "Scout's honour."

"You were a scout?"

„No, I just thought it sounded cool."

* * *

"Whoa, what do you think you're doing?"

They had just come back from dinner, which had been nice even though Harvey had been forced to stick with vegetables rather than steak. He had to admit though that eating steak would have been hard anyway. He had taken off the brace for dinner but it was still hurting and he couldn't have cut anything with it.

Anyway now they were back in the hotel and Mike showed every intention of following him into his room.

"Hm?" Mike asked innocently. "I just figured you'd need some help to get out of that suit of yours..."

"I don't," Harvey snapped, but he didn't object when Mike sat down on one of the armchairs.

Harvey hesitated a moment, then started to undress himself. He was tired, and he doubted Mike was going to leave any time soon.

Undoing laces and ties was easier than doing them, so he managed on his own. But when he tried to force the shirt over his hurt wrist, he twisted it and winced.

"You know they gave you the brace for a reason," Mike pointed out.

"To make me look ridiculous?" Harvey prompted.

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Mike grabbed a pillow and threw it at Harvey.

It was supposed to be playful but by instinct Harvey lifted his hands to shield himself and gave a pained cry when the pillow hit his bad wrist.

"Damn it, Mike," he shouted, clutching the hurting joint to his chest. The pain was bad enough to make his eyes water, pulsing through the whole arm with every heartbeat.

"Shit, sorry," Mike exclaimed. Harvey felt his hands on his upper arms trying to guide him to the bed. "Come on, sit down..."

"I don't want to sit down!" Harvey snapped, half blind with pain. "Just _leave_ , Mike!"

"Harvey, please, you know I didn't mean to hurt you..." Mike sounded desperate, but Harvey did not care. He was in pain and he wanted to be alone.

"Go!" he yelled, glaring at Mike in a way that would have sent even Donna running.

"Fine," Mike said backing away with raised hands. "I won't leave the room though."

If he had been in any condition to do it, Harvey would have thrown Mike out by the collar but even #the#thought of seizing anything with his throbbing right hand made him feel nauseous.

Eyes squeezed shut in pain he sank to his bed, just hoping that the pain would go away eventually.

* * *

Mike had withdrawn to the armchair again, his eyes never leaving Harvey, as the man sat there on his bed, face screwed in pain.

Mike would have liked to offer him some pain meds but by the look Harvey'd had on his face when he had tried to help earlier, he feared Harvey might try to hit him then. Mike did not really care about taking a punch, but it would only worsen Harvey's sprain.

It took some minutes but at last Harvey's breathing evened out and Mike quickly pretended to read through the hotel's menu. He also pretended not to notice when Harvey rummaged through his suitcase and did not step in when the lawyer tried to apply the wrist brace himself.

When he finally felt that Harvey was more frustrated with the brace than with him, Mike went over to the minibar and took out a bottle of white wine.

"I'm not supposed to drink," Harvey said with surprise, as Mike sat down next to him.

"It's for your wrist, stupid" Mike explained rolling his eyes and reached for the injured joint.

Harvey audibly winced when he touched the swollen wrist and Mike was careful not to twist it as he strapped the brace to it.

"Thanks," Harvey muttered, a shredder of relieve running through him as Mike held the cool bottle against his throbbing arm.

"You're welcome. And it is sort of my fault."

"I should have worn the brace." Harvey swallowed and for a while they just sat there in silence.

"You're not going to leave, are you?" Harvey asked at last.

Mike shook his head. "Not unless you actually throw me out."

"I yelled "Go!" at you half an hour ago. Feel like that should count as actually throwing you out."

"You didn't mean that," Mike pointed out.

"No I didn't..." With a sigh Harvey lay back on the bed. "I don't think I can sleep knowing you're watching me."

"You did just fine in the hospital," Mike pointed out.

"I was more tired then..."

"No you weren't," Mike said with a smile, and bent down to lift Harvey's feet onto the bed too. He reached for the duvet then and gently tugged Harvey in.

"You need to sleep too," Harvey protested but his voice was already thick with sleep.

"I wouldn't anyway," Mike pointed out, knowing it was true. He had slept for almost twenty-four hours in the hospital, and even if he hadn't he couldn't shake the image of Harvey having a heart attack in his sleep and not being there to hear.

"Should sleep," Harvey muttered again, and Mike wasn't sure if that referred to him or Harvey himself.

Either way, to lawyer's breath soon changed to the even rhythm of slumber and Mike returned to the armchair, just watching Harvey's chest rise and fall.


	15. Going home

"Mike, I swear to you if you ask one more time if I am okay I will book you on another flight and fly to New York all by myself!"

Harvey knew that Mike only wanted to help, but he was pretty sure everyone would start to feel uncomfortable when asked how they felt every minute.

"But you will tell me if you start to feel bad, yes? You won't try to hide it?" Mike enquired anxiously.

"I won't," Harvey sighed. But if he were to be very honest to himself, he would have admitted that he started to feel nervous. He didn't even fear the trip itself, just what had happened the last time. He feared throwing up, the ringing in his ears...

He glanced over to Mike, who was fidgeting in his seat. He wondered if the kid really had slept at all the night before, if maybe he should worry about Mike fainting...

Their flight was called only a few minutes later, and Harvey bounded to his feet.

"What happened to waiting for the last call?" Mike asked, eyebrows raised.

"That's what you do if the airline isn't one of your clients."

Mike gaped at him for a second and Harvey could practically see memories shift behind his eyes. "God, how could I miss this?"

"You're letting up, mate," Harvey said, padding Mike's shoulder.

"Mate, seriously?"

Harvey shrugged. "Isn't that what they say in England?"

Of course, the LibFly staff had no idea which law firm their company was using, but Harvey's natural charm got them seats right over the wing, giving them the additional space of the emergency exit.

"Too amazed to speak?" Harvey asked, even though he knew very well that that was not what kept Mike so uncharacteristically quiet.

Mike simply shrugged, eyes fixed on Harvey. Normally, Harvey did not mind people staring at him, even enjoyed it a little, but normally, they were in awe of him... or glaring.

Mike did neither... Mike looked sick with worry, as if he would have liked to drag Harvey right off the plane and into a hospital bed. With a sigh Harvey reached into his pocket and got out a packet of pills.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?!"

Harvey flinched and dropped the pills."Whoa, Mike, what the hell? You're yelling."

"You're not scheduled to take any pills for another two hours!" Mike said briskly, snatching the packet off the floor before Harvey could even try to.

"Those are not for your heart," Mike said, ripping the packet as he pulled out the instruction leaflet.

"They are sleeping pills," Harvey explained. "I thought the flight would be easier if I just slept through it..."

"Have you checked if they are compatible with your medication?" Mike asked, eyes flying over the piece of paper.

Harvey bit his lower lip. Truth to be told, he had not thought about that.

"You didn't? Do you have any idea how irresponsible that is?"

Harvey decided not to reply. He felt embarrassed for not checking but he was also annoyed with Mike for treating him like a child who couldn't take responsibility for himself.

The screens above their heads flickered to life and Harvey tried decidedly not to listen to the safety instructions. He was nowhere near panicking yet, he told himself, but the safety brief had always made him feel uncomfortable. Who liked to be reminded that they were in a metal tube that was about to reach high above the clouds and could just drop into the sea any minute?

He felt Mike reach for his hand and pretended not to notice he did it in a way that allowed him to check his pulse.

The plane jolted as it started to roll and Harvey inadvertently closed his fingers around Mike's. A jolt of pain rushed through his wrist as he worked the injured tendons.

"Harvey, get up!" He felt Mike's hand slip away as Mike opened his seatbelt.

"What?" He forced himself to look up at Mike.

"Get up, we need to switch seats," Mike explained, already bending down to undo Harvey's seatbelt as well.

"We'll be done in a minute," Mike added probably directed at the flight attendants.

Harvey allowed Mike to draw him to his feet and staggered to the other seat, trying to ignore the plane shifting under him.

He tried to focus on his breathing, forcing himself not to hyperventilate. He knew it was stupid to be afraid, but as the plane started to accelerate he let out a sharp gasp. He felt the acceleration push him against his seat.

 _This is no different than one of your sports cars_ , he forced himself to think, but then the plane tilted backwards. There was a wince from Mike as Harvey's fingers tightened around his and then the plane had left the ground.

* * *

"He looks so pale..."

"I know. But I'm sure he is going to all right."

"Did he just move? I swear he did, Jessica!"

* * *

"That was actually better than the last time," Mike said, gently rubbing Harvey's back as the older lawyer retched into a bag.

Surely, Harvey had almost broken his fingers by squeezing them with an iron grip and sat through their whole ascent pale and petrified, but he had managed to breathe on his own through it all, just until he had whimpered "Mike, I think I'm going to be sick" which was a bit of an understatement seeing that he started to throw up only five seconds later.

"It doesn't feel better," Harvey moaned, taking the bottle of water Mike handed him.

"So it's only been ten minutes? Brilliant," Harvey said sarcastically.

"Well, hopefully, this flight will be calmer than the previous one. I checked and there shouldn't be any thunderstorms on the route," Mike said encouragingly.

"Hope you're right," Harvey muttered. He was pale and Mike could see that his clothes were damp with sweat again.

"Can I do anything to take your mind off… this?" Mike asked vaguely indicating the plane with his free hand.

"Don't know," Harvey muttered. His eyes were squeezed shut again and his jaw clenched.

"Maybe I could read something to you?" Mike suggested.

Harvey just shrugged. It would have been easier had he been a bit more responsive, Mike thought, but it was hard to blame him.

For a few minutes they just sat there in silence until Harvey said: "It's going to be seven more hours, isn't it?"

"Seven hours, forty-three minutes," Mike confirmed.

"I'm not sure I'm going to make it that long," Harvey said, and there was a strange quality to his voice, it was a desperation Mike had never heard before.

"Yes, you will," Mike said firmly. "It would help if you told me what exactly is wrong though…"

„I'm nauseous, hot and my wrist throbs in tune with my heartbeat," Harvey muttered. „It hurts…"

Mike was not exactly sure what Harvey was referring to, but it was clear that the lawyer was in quite a poor state. He should have never agreed to flying back already. They could have stayed in England for another week, maybe have Harvey talk to a psychiatrist…

"Hey, it'll be fine," Mike said softly, in lack of any other idea what to say.

"Sick," Harvey suddenly blurted, and Mike managed to hand him the bag just in time.

What came up was mostly the water Harvey had just had, but Harvey kept dry heaving for several minutes and Mike could do nothing but gently rub his back as his muscles kept contracting under his touch. He just felt helpless.

"Are you sure you're all right, gentlemen?" A stewardess asked, genuine concern in her voice. As Mike looked up he could see several people staring at them. For all the extra room the emergency exit offered, it also left you more exposed.

"Sir?" the stewardess asked, reminding Mike that he had just been staring at her for several seconds. What would happen if he said no? Would they land the plane and get Harvey into a hospital somewhere in France or Ireland?

"Yes, sorry I think I must have eaten some bad sushi tonight." Harvey's voice was hoarse but Mike noticed he managed to smile at the stewardess. It was none of his usual radiant smiles but it was more than he would have believed him capable of.

"Just let me know if there is anything I can do to help," the stewardess said.

"Bad sushi?" Mike whispered as soon as she had walked away.

"Well, I'm not going to admit to having panic attacks when flying and who knows what happens if they think it is a bug…"

"Feeling better?" Mike noticed that Harvey had just said more than he had since stepping on the plane.

"Less nauseous, that's definitely an improvement," Harvey pointed out. „And you were not going to say anything, were you?"

"I…" Mike's voice trailed off as he didn't know what to say. In fact he didn't even know what he would have said if Harvey hadn't chipped in. He glanced at his clock and padded Harvey's back. "Only seven more hours, mate."

* * *

"I saw, Louis."

"Do you think he's waking up already?" 

* * *

**Thanks to everyone for reading so far, I keep checking the Stats and it's quite amazing to see so many people following the story! (what doesn't mean I wouldn't appreciate some reviews too ;) )**


	16. Flight

The flight was every bit as bad as Harvey had feared twenty minutes into it:  
His stomach was raw and aching, his whole body damp with sweat and his wrist was screaming in pain because he simply could not let go of the armrest. Because if he did, the whole plane started spinning. Some reasonable part of his brain told him, that this was just happening in his head, but even if it was the pain was easier to bear than the spinning.

Two hours into the flight, when Harvey's stomach had just settled a bit - there was nothing left to throw up anymore - he let Mike coax him into taking his heart medication along with a sip of water.

It turned out as a Harvey in a better shape would have told Mike it would turn out: He vomited it all up again ten minutes later as the plane took a sharp right turn.  
He started hyperventilating after that and Mike only got him through the panic attack with half an hour of whispering how to breathe.

It got slightly better after that. Surely, Harvey still wanted to just die, but he did not throw up anymore and when he closed his eyes he almost managed to imagine that he was on a train.

At some point Mike started to recite episodes of Game of Thrones, doing a rather good impression of Jon Snow's voice, and a rather awful one of Ned Stark's.  
They were halfway through episode 4 or 5 - Harvey couldn't really tell as his ears had started ringing again- when the plane tilted forward.  
Harvey's hands automatically clenched, and he pressed his feet against the ground to keep himself from slipping forward.

* * *

"Ouch Harvey, we're just descending! We're almost there!" Mike exclaimed. Harvey seemed to be clinging to his hand for dear life even though the plane hardly pinching forward.  
But Mike knew that Harvey wasn't listening anymore. He was staring ahead with wide eyes, his pupils almost the size of his irises.

"Harvey, come on, breathe," Mike instructed as this seemed to be something Harvey had forgotten about. Mike could feel the lawyer's heart racing through the thin skin of his wrist, he only hoped that it would take it until they landed.

He would call an ambulance then, Mike decided. He would call an ambulance and give Harvey into the hands of some capable doctors and he would go home and sleep...  
Harvey loudly drew breath, and it was the short snap for air of someone who had just been under water.

"Harvey," Mike repeated trying to get at least part of the lawyer's attention. "Breathe with me… in… and… out…"

Harvey took another shaky breath, when the plane suddenly jolted. Mike could feel the machine fighting the crosswinds until a few seconds later it lay almost still again. He glanced at Harvey, who was pale as a sheet, face glittering with sweat.

"Breathe," he reminded softly. „In and out…"

It hardly worked as the plane kept shifting, each movement throwing Harvey out of his breathing pattern. His jaw was clenched so hard, that Mike was afraid he would actually do something to his teeth.

Mike had no idea how much longer they would have to endure this, how much longer it would take for the plane to land. He felt Harvey's pulse under his index finger, going roughly with the rate of a humming bird's wing.

Then, as the plane took another bolt Harvey's heart missed a beat.

"Shit, Harvey!" Mike exclaimed, but Harvey did not respond. He was breathing rapidly, eyes staring blankly ahead. "Harvey, you need to calm down!"

But the lawyer did not seem to hear, he did not even seem to notice Mike's presence.

"HARVEY!" Mike was yelling now, but it did not help as he felt Harvey's pulse become unsteady. "Shit!"

Still holding on to Harvey's hand Mike started to search his pockets for Harvey's pills. Shaking, he tore the box open with his mouth, spitting out the paper. He let go of Harvey's hand to get out one of the capsules. His hands were shaking so badly that Mike dropped two pills before he finally managed to hold on to one. He twisted around in his seat to put it into Harvey's mouth, but while Harvey's fingers might have gone limp, but his jaw was still clenched and there was no way for Mike to get the pill between his teeth.

"Goddammit, Harvey!" Mike exclaimed, voice high pitched with panic.

Without thinking he undid his seatbelt and stood up to grab Harvey by the shoulders. "Harvey, please!" he begged, trying to make him focus.

* * *

"Harvey? Harvey? Are you waking up?"

"Donna, give him some time..."


	17. Breaking News

"You are not going to let him come to work, are you?"

Jessica could not help to roll her eyes. Ever since Louis had heard of Harvey's heart attack he kept giving her advice about how to handle Harvey. She hoped he would not try to do that to Harvey himself. It would either agitate Harvey so much it gave him another heart attack or, more likely, he would throw Louis out of the window at some point.

"I have told you already, Louis, I will talk to him when he gets back," she explained, letting her annoyance show the best she could over the phone. She did not have too much hope though. Louis was terrible at telling when someone was annoyed with him unless someone flat out told him.

"Jessica, he had a heart attack!"

"As I was the one to tell you, I'm well aware of that. Now, I will get on with my work."

She disconnected, glancing at the phone to see a news alert flash over the screen. _Plane crash in New York.  
_  
Without thinking she swiped it away and put the phone in her purse. A second later, she pulled it out again with shaking hands.  
Her vision was a bit blurry as she selected her messenger app and brought up her conversation with Harvey. They had been joking about how LibFly was one of their clients as he had given her the flight details.

 _LF9972_

She repeated the flight number once in her mind to make sure she'd remember it before she brought up the arrivals on JFK airport.

LF9972 Scheduled: 16:20 - Delayed.

 _Delayed._ The word seemed to be burning into her retina. She knew what it meant and just the thought made her feel sick.

* * *

Jessica entered the firm in a trance like state. Somehow she had expected to find it quiet and subdued, somehow she had expected for the news to have already spread in the half hour that it had taken her to get from court to the firm.

But no one had heard. Or maybe they just hadn't put together the pieces.

"Rachel."

"Jessica." Rachel seemed surprised to see her and she hurriedly stashed some files together to make her workplace look more orderly.

"You haven't gone to pick up Mike?"

"No, I was planning to but the subpoena for the Hillson case got through…Why?"

Jessica felt her stomach clench at the sight of Rachel so blissfully unaware. For half a second she considered not telling her, to leave her in the protection of ignorance. But Jessica was not a person to shy from hard truths and Rachel would find out anyway sooner or later.

"Rachel… I don't know how to say this, but there was a plane crash."

Jessica watched Rachel's eyes widen with sudden apprehension, before the girl managed to blurt out: "What? Is it…? Was it…?"

Jessica only gave a short nod. The newspapers had not yet published a flight number, but five minutes after the news alert the CEO of LibFly had called her, demanding to talk to Harvey. The irony of it had been so enormous that she had simply hung up on him, but it had been confirmation enough.

"Oh my God…" Rachel gasped, sinking back in her chair, eyes wet with tears.


	18. Waking Up

The voices came from very far away. Harvey felt as if he was floating, weightless, curiously disconnected from his body.

"Harvey, can you hear me?"

He recognised the voice. _Jessica…_ the name and a face flickered through his mind.

There was a pained wince and Harvey needed a second to recognise it as his own.

"Sh, Harvey, it's fine. Don't move…"

"Should we call a doctor?" Louis's voice.

"No, I think it's fine…" Jessica.

"Oh Harvey…" Donna?

He forced his eyes open to check, whimpering as the light hit his eyes. He squeezed them shut again.

"Harvey? Harvey, are you alright?" Donna's voice sounded strangely high pitched and he couldn't help another wince as it hit his ears. His head was screaming in pain as if someone had split it open with an ax.

"Just give him a minute," Jessica ordered and Harvey could hear someone walking across the room. He heard the flick of a light switch and the world behind his eyelids went soothingly dark.

"Thanks," he muttered, barely recognising his hoarse voice.

"Take your time…"

The headache slowly receded to a bearable level, and carefully he opened his eyes again.

First, he saw Donna, seated next to his bed, her face wet with tears. Only then did he realise that she was clutching his hand. He gently squeezed back and it made Donna smile.

Jessica was standing next to Donna. She was visibly more composed, there were no traces of tears on her face, but she also offered a smile and Harvey could read the relief in it.

Lastly, there was Louis, standing more to the back, shoulders slouched, as if he was not sure to belong there.

"So, I'm home," Harvey managed. The memories returned only slowly. The trip to London, the heart attack…

He must have had another one on the flight back… He tried to remember but it made his head hurt.

"Yes, you are," Jessica confirmed.

"How bad was it this time?" Harvey asked. There was a short silence and he could see everyone exchanging looks.

"Harvey…" Jessica began, but her voice trailed off as Donna gave a loud sob.

„What?" Harvey snapped, wincing as his voice turned out to be too loud for his own head.

"Have I been dead?" he ventured.

"No," Donna said in a shaky voice. "We thought you were but…"  
Harvey frowned, unable to make sense of what Donna had just said. He clearly hadn't meant that he had actually died and they should have been able to tell if he had flatlined.  
"Just tell me! How much time have I left?"

Another exchange of glances.

"Harvey, it's not like that," Louis said at last. „You aren't going to die…"

"But?" This didn't make any…

He gasped as the memories returned. The screams, the lights flickering off, the sound of the dying engine… The deathly silence just until…

"Where's Mike?" he blurted, pushing himself up as though he was hoping to see him hide behind Louis.

"Harvey," Donna whined trying to force him back down. „Calm down!"

"Where's Mike?" he repeated. "Where's Rachel?"

"Rachel is looking for Mike," Jessica explained calmly. "It's all still chaos. According to the doctors you only have a concussion but most other passengers are dead or seriously injured."

He sank back trying to comprehend. Dead or seriously injured… But what about Mike? They had been sitting next to each other so if Harvey was alright, probably Mike was too…

"I need to go and look for him!" He tried to sit up again.

"There is nothing you can do!" Donna's voice sounded almost desperate as she tried to pin him down. "Rachel is looking for him. You need to rest!"

"Donna, I need to…" This time the nausea hit him without warning. He barely knew what was happening as the bile already rose in his throat. He threw up all over himself, while Donna held his hand, rubbing his back just like Mike had done.

Mike. Even to think his name hurt.

"I need to find him..."He was not sure if he just thought that or said it aloud.

The world was spinning around him but he still attempted to swing his legs over the edge of the bed... Then, everything went black.

* * *

He couldn't have passed out more than a few minutes, because they were all still there, looking at him rather rattled.

"Harvey, I swear if you try to get up again, I will have them strap you to the bed," Jessica said as soon as he so much as opened his eyes. "Your doctor is an old # colleague #of my father so I'm sure this can be arranged."

"Jessica, please," Harvey tried. His head was still pounding and his wrist was acting up again too, but he felt better than he had before.

"No," Jessica insisted sternly. "If there was anything you could do I might consider it, but there isn't. You leaving this bed will do nothing at all for Mike."

He knew she was right, but it was hard to accept. Of course there was no way that they would let him even near the plane wreck, let alone search it for Mike.

"I'm sure they will find him soon," Donna said, unhelpfully squeezing his hurting hand.

"Stop it, that hurts!" Harvey could see that she was hurt as she drew away her hand, but the situation was pissing him off too much to care.

"I just wanted to help," she said in a small voice.

"Well, you're not helping! If you were you would be out there moving heaven and earth to find Mike!"

"There is nothing I can do for Mike!"

"There is nothing you can do for me here. You..." But just before he could finish the sentence the door opened, and Rachel came in.

As Harvey saw her face filled with tears, his stomach dropped, all his anger sucked into the vacuum of the hole her expression tore open in his chest.

"They found him!" Rachel blurted, tears streaming down her face even as she talked.

"They," her voice trembled, "they say he is badly injured... They are not sure if he... he's going to make it..."

Harvey felt petrified, unable to do anything but watch as Jessica drew Rachel into an embrace.

"They say he needs a kidney transplant... But there is a list, and he's at the bottom of it... I... I already had myself tested but they say I'm probably the wrong blood type… He's in surgery now, I haven't seen him. I want to see him Jessica, I need to see him!"

„I know," Jessica said softly, gently rubbing Rachel's back. „But now you just need to let the doctors do their work…"


	19. Blood Type

Jessica, Louis and Rachel left soon after Rachel had bursted in, and Harvey was glad they did.

It had been clear that Rachel could not stand the sight of Harvey being unharmed while Mike was fighting for his life. She had not said anything of course, but he could see it in her eyes when she looked at him. _Why did you make it?_ they were asking. _Why didn't Mike?_

Donna however stayed. Harvey knew that she wanted to be there for him, but he needed her to leave. She was not going to approve of what he had to do.

"I need you to pick up some clothes from my condo," Harvey said almost as soon as Louis had walked out of the door. He could not stand to be alone with her, not now.

"Harvey, you're not going to need any clothes any earlier than tomorrow. There is no way they are going to release you any sooner than that."

She was right of course but he couldn't let her stay.

"Donna, I have spent most of last week in a hospital gown. Please, I need to wear something proper to feel human. Doesn't have to be a suit. Just a simple shirt and some sweatpants."

"Harvey, I don't think you should be alone right now. You're blaming yourself that Mike is hurt and you aren't! But that's not your fault!"

'Yes it is,' he thought bitterly. The memories of the crash had slowly returned, and he remembered Mike getting out of his seat to give him his medication, he# remembered# Mike being ripped away by the shock of the impact. If Mike had been in his seat wearing his seatbelt…

"I know it's not my fault," he lied. Softening his expression he reached up with his left hand to gently run his fingers over Donna's cheek. "Please, do this for me."

He could see her eyes becoming moist. "Oh, Harvey," she winced. She must have gone through so much wondering if he was ever going to come back from England, and it tore him apart to lie to her. But it was necessary.

"I promise, I'll stay in bed until you return…"

He did stay in bed five more minutes after she had left, just to make sure she wouldn't come right back to check on him. Then he pulled out the IV stuck into his left hand. It hurt and was kind of hard to do with his braced right, but he needed to get up. Disabling the heart monitor was easier, just as ripping off the electrodes glued to his chest.

The room spun a little as he got to his feet, but he managed not to fall over. He found his suit in a pile in one of the cupboards. Someone had ripped open the shirt, tearing off all the buttons but the jacket was still intact, though muddy. He dusted it off the best he could, noticing there was also some blood on the shoulder.

Ten minutes later he was regarding himself in the bathroom mirror. His appearance could be described as disheveled at best, with a band-aid on his temple, his cheeks fallen in, and big bags under his eyes, but it would have to do.

He went back into the room and snatched his medical file.

"I need you to find out if I am a suitable donor for Michael Ross." The nurse at the reception table jumped as he let the file drop right in front of her.

"Excuse me?"

"I need to know if my blood type is compatible with Micheal Ross's." He leaned over to flip open the file, and pointed to the section 'blood-type'.

The nurse stared at him for another second, then her eyes turned towards the paper.

"Yes," she said after a short moment of consideration.

"You know his type by heart?" Harvey said slightly surprised, he had not expected it to be that easy.

"No, sir, I don't even know this Micheal Ross, but you are type 0, which makes you the universal donor. There are other tests that have to be run to confirm compatibility though."

She flipped through the file, a frown appearing on her face as she read. "Even if you are compatible, you are not a suitable donor for any organ. You just suffered a heart attack, there is no way any doctor will take the chance to operate on you, Sir."

"Let that be my concern," Harvey said, curling his hand into a fist. He would find a way around this. If anyone could, it was him. "Can you tell if I'm compatible from the information in this file?"

Hesitantly, she nodded. "But I'll need to get Mr Ross's file before I can say for sure."

"Good. Call me when you know." He scribbled his phone number on a piece of paper.

"Mr…" -she glanced at the file- „Specter… I can only say it once more. Even if you are a perfect match, no one will operate on you. Donor safety supersedes any need of the recipient. Any doctor operating on you could loose his license."

"My concern," Harvey repeated.

With a pang of guilt he remembered how Mike had persuaded him to take him as an associate even if it meant risking his license the very first day that he had walked into Harvey's office.

Well, no matter what the kid thought what he could do, Harvey could do better.


	20. Jessica, Donna, Louis

"So, what do you need?" Jessica had to admit that she had been quite surprised when Harvey had called and said that he needed to see her.

"I need you to convince Dr Gillmore to clear me for donating my kidney to Mike."

"What?" She stared at him. "Harvey, you just had a heart attack a couple of days ago. Not to mention that you have been in a goddamn plane crash. No doctor in his right mind would take out your kidney right now."

"Which is why I need you to convince him," Harvey said. There was not a shadow of doubt in his voice.

"Harvey, this is crazy! You could die during such a procedure!"

"Well, Mike _will_ die if I don't do it!"

"He might even if you do!" Jessica snapped back. "You have a severe concussion, not to mention that you are probably traumatised. Even if you were fit enough for a donation - which you aren't - your judgement isn't the best at the moment."

"Then tell me that I would not make the very same decision under other circumstances! Jessica, I can't live with myself if he dies when I could have saved him!" There was desperation in his voice now, but it was just one more reason why she wouldn't do as he asked.

"Well, then I guess you will have to learn to, because I am not on board with this!"

She turned to leave. She could understand that he was upset about Mike, all of them were, but this was just insane.

"I could force them to take it, you know." There was a weird note to Harvey's voice that gave her goose bumps.

"What do you mean?" She turned around slowly.

"If I was dead, they _would_ take my kidney."

"What?" It took her a moment to even make sense of what he had said. Then it dawned on her what he meant. "Harvey, you know I don't respond well to threats. Least of all empty ones."

"This one isn't empty." There were no signs of bluff on his face and with a shudder she realised that he was actually considering to commit suicide.

"Harvey, this is crazy." She felt her voice shake as she said the words. Maybe she should report this to someone. There were ways to stop him…

"If you make it the only way, I don't care how crazy it is. And don't even consider reporting me. Because if you manage to stop me and Mike dies, I will take down everything you ever worked for. I will confess to every shady thing we've ever done, and even if you don't go to prison for it, the firm will be done and you will never practise law again!"

It hurt to hear him say that, more than she ever could have imagined.

"You would do that to me?" she asked. „After everything I've done for you?" She forced some anger into her voice, but it was not what she felt. She felt empty.

"Only if you force me to." There was so much determination in Harvey's eyes that she couldn't help but believe him.

"Fine," she said at last, the word bitter in her mouth. "I will talk to Dr Gillmore."

She turned to leave, but hesitated on the door step. „Just, Harvey, please think about this again. There might be other ways, Mike might make it without the transplant or they might find another donor…"

But Harvey did not even reply and Jessica could see in his eyes that the decision was already made. 

* * *

Harvey had already feared the moment Donna would find out about what he planned to do and it came sooner than he had expected. She burst in only an hour after Jessica had left, when he had just managed to doze off.

„Tell me that this isn't true!" Her voice was shaking with anger, her knuckles white as she clutched the handles of the bag she was carrying.

He did not reply or meet her gaze.

"Harvey, you can't consider doing this! I know how much Mike means to you, but such a surgery could kill you!"

"I know that," he pointed out. Why could she not just be okay with it? Why could she not see that he needed to do this?

"Do you? Do you really? Because while you might be okay with dying, have you even considered for one second what it would do to the people who love you? To Markus, Louis, Jessica, or Mike? What-"

His head snapped up at the last name. "If I die you're not going to tell him I did this! I don't want him to blame himself!"

Donna scoffed. "You really think you can have it that easy?"

"Yes," he said sharply. "Because the truth would break him! And by breaking him you would just throw my sacrifice away! You are not going to make me die for nothing!"

"Yes, I will," Donna replied hotly.

But Harvey knew it was an empty threat. If worst came to worst she would not betray him like that.

"I will tell him, Harvey!" Donna insisted. "I will tell him that you died and that he should blame himself! Because you would have died for him!"

But Harvey knew that she only said that to talk him out of it.

"Then go ahead, destroy his life, destroy Rachel's… But he won't even have a life without me doing this."

„Harvey…" Her voice broke on the second syllable. He had never seen her so distressed. "Harvey, I can understand that you want to save him, I can understand that you feel guilty but you aren't…"

"I am, Donna! He would have never been on this plane if it weren't for me! He wouldn't have been standing in the aisle! And you know what I did despite all this? When I woke up in the plane wreck I got out without even thinking of him!"

He felt his eyes water at the memory of the sting of jet fuel in his lungs. Everything was blurred but he still remembered the headache, how he had pulled open the emergency exit door at the third try… Had he been wanting to go back? To save anyone else but himself? All he remembered was giving in to gravity, tumbling down over the plane's wing… By the time he stopped spinning everything hurt and he felt more nauseous than during the whole flight but he didn't have the strength to throw up. He dimly remembered the noise of the explosion but when the wave of heat had washed over him, he had already blacked out.

"Harvey?" Donna's voice was filled with worry and he realised he had just blanked out on her.

"It's my fault," he repeated.

"Harvey, no! Please, listen to me. This is not your fault, no one is blaming you for this, least of all Mike. He would not want you to do this."

"He would want to live," Harvey countered. "My decision is made, Donna. Deal with it or leave."

"I'll leave then, but don't you expect me ever to come back." Her voice was barely composed and Harvey knew that she wanted him to call her back. He knew that if he didn't their last conversation might be this argument. But he kept his mouth pressed shut.

* * *

Harvey groaned as he heard someone knock at his door. He had no idea how much time had passed since Donna had left but it definitely had been some of the worst hours of his life.

Getting up and his fight with Donna had drained him more than he would have ever admitted. He had a burning headache, and the room just wouldn't stop spinning.

His wrist was hurting too. He could feel it raw and swollen in the brace and the pain would not let him sleep.

The nausea was back as well, but he hadn't thrown up again yet.

There was another knock but he did not reply. Maybe whoever it was would just go away…

"Harvey? Harvey, are you alright?" The voice was suddenly right next to his ear. He saw a silhouette of a man standing over him, and reasoned that he must have passed out for a second to miss him walk into the room.

"I'm fine," Harvey managed closing his eyes. Breathing was more of an effort than usually as if he were so high up a mountain that the oxygen level had dropped.

"Bullshit, Harvey!" It was only then that he recognised Louis's voice.

„Shut up, Louis." He opened his eyes again, forcing himself to focus on his colleague. He was not going to pass out in front of Louis Litt.

It took a moment before the world stopped spinning but the sight of Louis was enough to summon some of his strength.

„What are you even doing here?"

Louis hesitated clearly unsure if he shouldn't call a doctor after all.

„I've seen Donna," he swallowed reluctantly. He sounded resigned and Harvey knew him well enough to see that he had walked in angrily and was now feeling bad about it.

Louis had many faults but a lack of compassion wasn't one of them.

"Have you talked to her?" Harvey asked, allowing his eyes to close again.

"No… But she was angry and hurt and I know that's not just because of the state Mike is in- you're sure you're alright?"

Harvey gave a short nod, even though it was still hard to breathe.

"What have you done to her, Harvey?" Louis asked after a moment of hesitation. "Don't deny it. Only you could upset her like that!"

"She found out I'm planning to donate Mike my kidney," Harvey confessed.

"You what? Harvey, that's insane! You look poorly enough as it is, such an operation could very well kill you!"

"I don't need everyone telling me that," Harvey snapped, forcing his eyes open again to glare at Louis "I know the risk, but it's my fault Mike is in this situation!"

Louis stared at him and Harvey could see the thoughts racing in his head.

"Then let me do it," he said at last. "I can give him my kidney."

"Louis, I appreciate the offer, but you don't have to do this."

"Neither do you. I want to do this Harvey. For you as much as for Mike. He is my friend too…"

"Louis…" Harvey was lost for words as he looked at Louis. Louis who would actually give his kidney without a second thought. He wished he had the strength to pull him into an embrace but he knew he didn't.

"Louis," he began. "I know I've never told you this but you're a great man. A better man than I could ever be... But the answer is still no, it's me who has to do this."

"Why? Because you need to play the hero so badly that you would risk dying for it?"

"No, it's not that. But I turn out to be a perfect match. All Mike's and my HLAs correspond. I'm the best shot he has and I'm not going to settle for anything less."

Harvey could see Louis's eyes go moist, hands shaking from sadness or anger.

"Harvey, the HLAs aren't that important. They hardly ever match, so as long as I'm the right blood type…"

Harvey shook his head. "I couldn't forgive myself if it doesn't turn out…"

Louis opened his mouth to protest but then he closed it again.

"When is the surgery going to be?" Louis's voice was calm but Harvey could see him fighting off tears.

"Tomorrow or the day after. Whenever Mike is stable enough to have it…"

Louis nodded slowly.

"If… if I don't make it…" Even thinking of the possibility felt wrong but he still forced himself to go on, "are you going to take care of Donna?"

„Of course, Harvey. Of course."

For a while there was nothing but the sound of their breaths, Harvey's still laboured and Louis in the shaky rhythm of someone who was fighting off tears.


	21. Choice

"How can you be on board with this?" Donna did not bother to knock or to wait for Jessica to put down the phone she was holding. Never had she felt so betrayed in her life, not even by what Harvey just did. "How can you let him do this?"

"Excuse me." Jessica put down the phone and looked up to face Donna.

"This is his call, Donna, crazy as it is. I hate that he made me part of it, but he left me no choice."

"If I learned one thing working with Harvey, it is that there is always a choice," Donna snapped. She could not believe that Jessica of all people had let herself be forced to do anything.

"Well, sometimes there isn't."

"I can't believe that you of all people say that. Jessica, if I have ever seen anyone who would not let herself be bullied into anything she didn't want it was you!"

"No, it was Harvey," Jessica said dryly. "You have obviously no idea what he said to me, so maybe you shouldn't judge me so quickly."

Donna scoffed. "What could he have said? Does he have any dirt on you? Did he threaten the firm? Because we both know that's all you care about! This stupid firm!"

How could Jessica risk Harvey's life? How could he?

"Donna, I can understand that you're angry. And yes he did threaten the firm, he threatened to confess to every shady deal we ever did, but that's not why I gave in."

"What was it then, Jessica?"

There was a moment of hesitation and for a moment Donna thought she was not going to reply. But then she spoke her voice with a strange hint of melancholia in it.

"He threatened to kill himself."

"What?" It took Donna some moments to comprehend the words. "He wouldn't!" she exclaimed then, aghast.

"You haven't seen him when he said it."

"Then you have to report it!"

"That's what I told him I would do and then he said that he would tear apart everything I ever worked for. And that was when I gave in. Not because I was afraid of what it would do to me, but because of what it would do to him."

Donna silently shook her head fighting off tears.

"He can't do that," she repeated quietly.

Jessica just looked at her, resignation in her eyes. "I wish he couldn't, Donna, but he will." 

* * *

"I thought you weren't coming back," Harvey muttered, as he recognised Donna's hair through the slit he managed to open his eyes. He flinched as she turned on the light.

"I decided to give you another chance… God Harvey, do you know that you look like a breathing corpse?"

"Maybe you should turn off the lights then to make it less apparent."

They were hurting him even through his closed eyelids. He heard her get up again and gave a relieved sigh when the world behind his eyelids turned back to a soothing black.

"You haven't changed your mind have you?"

"No, and I don't want to talk about it right now, Donna." The truth was that he just wanted to sleep. He still felt dizzy and nauseous from the concussion.

"Well, as you might not be alive anymore tomorrow, I think we have to talk about it now!"

He gave a resigned sigh.

"Harvey…" He could hear the desperation in her voice as she reached for his hand.

"Don't," he hissed, wincing as she touched his swollen wrist.

"Sorry." She withdrew her hand again, and he opened his eyes a crack to see her shift uncomfortably in her chair. "Harvey, I have asked you that before but do you really think Mike would want you to trade your life for his? You're right I'm not going to tell him, but he might still find out…"

Even if she wasn't talking very loud her words were hammering in his head. God, he needed to sleep.

"Donna, my days are numbered anyway," he explained, summoning all his strength to look at her while he was talking. "I can feel my body failing. If I have another heart attack it will probably be the end of me…" His voice was breaking towards the end. "I'm not going to throw Mike under the bus to live a few more days…"

"Harvey, you had only one attack and it wasn't even a severe one!"

Donna had raised her voice, making him wince as it drilled painfully into his head.

"I'm pretty sure I had another one in London. Also possibly before the plane crashed."

"In London? But you faked the one in front of Darby, didn't you?"

"Before that. When I ran into Scottie and her child."

There was a moment of silence as Donna grasped for words.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

„Because I was feeling better and the doctors were thinking I had had another one anyway…"

Why did she have to ask all these questions? He felt his eyes falling shut again and decided to give in to the urge. He was just so tired…

"The child," Donna said suddenly. "How old was it?"

He had no idea why on earth she would want to know that of all things. But in his foggy mind everything seemed strangely disconnected.

"About three, maybe?" he slurred.

"I've gotta go." He heard her pushing back the chair and the sound of her high heels on the floor as she went away. He didn't have the strength or will to ask her what she was up to. 


	22. Jamie

"Scottie?" He blinked rapidly just to make sure his eyes weren't playing a trick on him. Scottie was about the last person he had expected to walk into the room.

"Harvey," her voice was cold, but he thought that her eyes were a bit more moist than eyes usually were.

"Did Donna call you?" He had expected her to call Marcus or maybe somehow convince Rachel that he shouldn't give Mike his kidney but he had not expected it to be Scottie.

"Yes, Harvey, she did." Scottie sat down next to his bed, reaching for his hand. She hesitated as she saw the brace.

"Go ahead. Won't make it much worse anyway…" His hand was constantly throbbing along with his head, but he had adjusted to it.

Tenderly she took his hand.

"How are you feeling?" she asked softly.

"Been better…" He didn't want to go into detail about his headache, the nausea or his throbbing wrist. He was slightly better than the day before, but still weak and hurting. "Why have you come here, Scottie?"

"Because you're about to kill yourself and someone needs to stop you!"

"Can everyone please stop saying that? The surgery is risky, yes, but it's not a death sentence."

"Have you seen yourself recently? Because it sure as hell looks as if something like that could easily take you out!"

"Well, it's my goddamn decision!" His voice had risen, something he instantly regretted for the headache it caused.

"But you're not the only one affected by it!" Scottie's voice was louder too and Harvey winced at every word. "Think about what you're doing to Donna! Think about what you're doing to me!"

"Scottie, you and I are over." He didn't say it to hurt her, it was a simple fact. He would have liked their relationship to work out, but when they'd taken the plunge it hadn't.

"No, Harvey, you and I will never be over!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

He had never thought that Scotty considered him to be her only one but suddenly there were tears in her eyes, then streaming down her cheeks.

"Oh Harvey," she sobbed.

Harvey shifted uncomfortably. He had never seen Dana Scott sob.

"Hey," he said softly, just hoping it would make her stop.

"Harvey…" she repeated, pressing her face against his chest. "You just can't die, Harvey…"

He didn't know what to say but he reached up to gently run his hands across her back.

"I don't know how to tell you but…" Her voice was shaking so badly that it took her a moment before she could go on. "…but you need to know before you make this decision…"

"Need to know what?"

"You're a father, Harvey."

"What?" He froze, thinking that he had missheard.

"You're a father, Harvey. The child you saw in London is yours."

"What?" He pushed her away to be able to see her face.

There was no trace of a lie on it. "And you're only telling me now?"

"I didn't think it was yours," Scottie snapped. "I didn't want it to be yours to be honest. But Greg made the test, so it has to be yours."

"Greg?" he repeated, more curious than shocked. He felt as if Scottie was talking about someone else.

"My now ex. We had an one night stand soon after I left you… I didn't even want it to be serious but then I was pregnant… I thought it was a sign." Her voice was shaking as she told the story. "We were happy you know… But Jamie's hair got lighter and lighter and he grew sceptical… Well, after he found out that it wasn't his child, he left me... And then I met you in London but you were such an asshole…  
"So that's why you can't die Harvey… There is a little boy you need to take care off…"

He tried to remember him, he had not paid him much attention in London, had only briefly thought that Scottie must have moved on quickly after him… Well, in fact she had.

"So, what are you expecting of me?" he demanded. "To let Mike die to play happy family with you?"

"I'm not asking you to _play_ happy family, I'm asking you to let us become one."

He scoffed. "You really think it would be that easy? That you can just walk in here three years later and tell me 'By the way, Harvey, you have a kid'?!" The idea was just ludicrous. "Sorry, Scottie, but it doesn't work like that!"

"So you will let the boy grow up without his father?"

"Well, _you_ seemed to be okay with that until quite recently," Harvey snapped. He felt the anger in his voice but he was not trying to hold it back.

"I was going to tell you!" Scottie replied hotly. „I just wanted to wait for the right time, so you wouldn't say something you'd regret later!"

"Scottie, just go! We can talk about this after the surgery!"

"So you don't even want to see him? Because even if I made a mistake your son didn't!"

Harvey felt his resolve falter at the words 'your son'. He had a son... He tried to let the thought sink in, but it just wouldn't work. The only thing he could think of was Mike, ripped away by the force of the impact...

"Scottie, go," he repeated at last.

* * *

"And?" Donna jumped to her feet, almost throwing off the toddler sitting on her lap. She had tried decidedly not to listen to Harvey's and Scottie's conversation, not even when it got so loud that basically the whole floor must have heard.

"He doesn't want to see me," Scottie said angrily, snatching little James away from Donna's arms.

"Your daddy is an idiot," she told the toddler, who clearly didn't know how to respond.

"Mommy, don't cry," he said then, trying to rub away Scottie's tears with his stubby little fingers.

"Sorry, sweetie," Scottie said, wiping the tears away herself.

She turned to Donna. "We need to do something! I'm not going to let the father of my son die for _Mike Ross_!"

She said the name with contempt. Donna knew she held Mike responsible for hers and Harvey's relationship coming to an end. She wondered if she had known that Mike's second name was James when she had named her son.

"I don't know what to do to change his mind," Donna admitted in a small voice, glancing at Harvey through the blinds. She could barely bear to see his face pale and damp with sweat, to watch how he had to fight for every single breath.

The sight just tore her apart. She looked up at Scottie, Scottie who she had -deep down in her heart- never liked because she was jealous for what she had with Harvey. Because Harvey loved her all the way.

But now their goals were aligned.

"Maybe," Donna said slowly as an idea formed in her head, "maybe we don't have to change his mind though."


	23. Sunset

They met on the roof, the sky already darkening. Donna wondered if Harvey could see the sunset from his hospital room, wondered it might be his last. Mike's condition had not allowed him to be operated on today but the surgery was scheduled for the next morning.

"What do you want from me, Donna?" Jessica asked quietly as she walked up to the other woman. "I told you I can't convince him to go back on his decision."

"I know," Donna said, feeling strangely lightheaded. "That's why we need to make the decision for him."

"You know he would never forgive us," Jessica pointed out. She was right of course, Donna knew that, but…

"He'll never find out," she blurted out, the word rushing from her mouth." I thought about it. You just need to convince Gillmore to play along… He can put Harvey under, maybe slice his back a bit with his scalpel, but nothing more."

"Donna," Jessica said and she could see the disgust on her face. "We cannot betray him like that!"

"No, Jessica, what we cannot do is let him die! Have you seen Mike?"

Hesitantly Jessica nodded. Not that there was much to see with all the tubes and wires attached to the kid.

"Chances are that he won't even make it with Harvey's kidney. Harvey told me that his days are numbered, that he would die of a heart attack sooner or later anyway, but the truth is that Mike has even less chances of making it."

"Still, Donna, that's a decision we can't make for him…"

"He has a son, Jessica!"

"Excuse me?"

"With Scottie…" Donna replied, trying to ignore the jolt of pain the thought sent through her body. Harvey had a child with another woman... Deep down she knew what it meant, she knew it meant he would never be hers. But she would rather see him with Dana Scott than dead. That he was alive was all that mattered. "She never told him…"

"So let her tell him, maybe that'll change his mind," Jessica pointed out.

Donna shook her head. Why couldn't Jessica understand?

"We already told him. He doesn't seem to care, he didn't even want to see the boy…"

"Then there is nothing we can do," Jessica said firmly.

"Jessica! We have to save him from himself here."

"No, Donna. It is you who cannot live with his decision, not him."

"Jessica, he will -"

"Regret it for the rest of his life?" Jessica cut in. "Because he won't. If he lives, he made the right call and well if he dies… There won't be much time left for regret."

Donna felt hot tears rise in her eyes.

"Jessica," she said, her voice pleading. "Please, we can't let this happen!"

"What we can't do, is what you suggested," Jessica said firmly. "Because that is the ultimate betrayal, Donna. I don't want to hear another word of it."

With that the older woman walked away, leaving Donna alone on the roof, tears silently running down her face.


	24. Abyss

The official statistics would say that the only person who died that day in the Lower Manhattan hospital was Micheal James Ross, but the truth was that even if he kept breathing, Harvey Specter died that day too.

Louis knew that he would never forget Harvey's face when Jessica told him, Jessica, who was the only one able to speak without breaking into tears. Louis remembered Harvey's body going limp, his eyes zooming out… The memory still made him feel sick, because wherever Harvey's mind had gone that moment it hadn't come back.

If Louis had been told that Harvey would end up like this he might have thought that he would enjoy it a little. There had been enough times that he had wished Harvey to suffer, but there was not even a spark of triumph when he looked at Harvey these days. He doubted that anyone could feel anything but sadness when they looked at him.

It was two weeks since Mike's death now and Harvey had not spoken a single word since.

His interaction with his surroundings was kept to a bare minimum. In the beginning, he had not been responsive at all to the point that they had thought that he had fallen into a coma.

The doctor assured them that this wasn't the case, that he was well conscious... But even if he was, all his will seemed to have gone. When they drew him to his feet he would stay upright, swaying slightly because his balance was still off after the concussion and if you led him to the bathroom he would follow. But his movements were robotic lacking all of their former energy.

Donna wouldn't leave his side, and Louis wondered how she could stand it. When he himself visited in the evening, those few minutes he stayed with Harvey drained him more than an entire day of work.

Harvey was released from the hospital a week after Mike's death, but moving back to his condo did not change anything about his state. He would just stay where they put him, be it the bed or the sofa or a kitchen chair, his eyes always out of focus. Donna was talking to him almost constantly, talking about cases they had won, memories they shared, but Louis doubted that Harvey was even listening.

His gaze stayed blank, not even the mention of Mike Ross triggered any response. It was just painful to watch, even though Donna didn't seem to mind. She happily fed him and tucked him into bed or watched movies with him, that Harvey wasn't really looking at. When Louis visited he talked about work but with the lack of response his visits grew less and less frequent. It hurt him to see Harvey like that and Harvey didn't seem to appreciate -or notice- his presence anyway.

But Louis was there when Scottie and the boy visited. Little James' hair was slightly darker than Harvey's and Scottie had let it grow just past his ears. He was quite adorable in Louis's opinion, but Harvey reacted to the kid no more than to anyone else.

Louis would have liked to slap him as he just sat there, staring blankly ahead completely oblivious of the toddler on his knees.

"I'm Jamie," James said giggling as he poked Harvey's cheek to get his attention. "What's your name?"

Of course, Harvey did not reply and Scottie snatched James up a few seconds later, no more able to bear the sight than Louis was.

"How can you stand seeing him like that?" Scottie whispered to Donna, asking the question Louis had been wondering about for the last two weeks.

"He's still Harvey," Donna said, almost as if she didn't quite understand the question.

"He isn't… God, Donna, if I had known that it would turn out like that…" Louis averted his eyes as he saw the tears rising in Scottie's eyes.

"Scottie, I'm sure he will come around," Donna insisted. "There is nothing physically wrong with him so if we just give him some time…"

It took Louis only one look at Harvey to know it wasn't true but he could not bring himself to say it.

* * *

"You'll wear this today," Donna announced when she came into Harvey's bedroom early on the morning of Mike's funeral. She held up a black three piece suit, so Harvey could see. He was lying on the bed, eyes staring up at the ceiling. Just as she had left him the day before. Sometimes she wondered if he even slept at all.

Wordlessly, Harvey got up and took the suit. He did not bother to go to the bathroom to change.

"So what do you want for breakfast today?" Donna prompted, even though she knew that she wouldn't get a response.

She led him to the living room and told him to sit down on the sofa. Then, she got a bowl of cereal with milk.

"We'll go to Mike's funeral today." There was no reaction, not even a flicker of recognition in his eyes at the word 'Mike'.

"Marcus will come and pick us up…"

As if Marcus had been waiting for her to say it, the doorbell rang just a second later.

"Hello Donna," Marcus said. They had only met once, years ago when Marcus had been down to visit Harvey for a weekend but he knew who she was. She noticed he looked uncomfortable in his suit, so much unlike Harvey who looked just impeccable despite everything.

"Hi, Marcus," Donna replied. "Harvey's on the couch."

"I'm so sorry, Harvey," Marcus said quietly, as he stepped into the living room. Harvey did not reply but stared into whatever abyss that had opened in front of him when he'd heard about Mike's death.

"Harvey?" Marcus asked and Donna could hear the concern in his voice.

"He hasn't been very talkative since he found out Mike is dead," Donna explained.

"Harvey," Marcus tried again, sitting down next to his older brother. "I know he meant a lot to you, man," he said sympathetically, trying to draw Harvey into an embrace. As usually Harvey let it happen but he didn't return it, his arms remained hanging by his side, his gaze turned to infinity.

"Harvey," Marcus tried again, now gently shaking his brother.

"How long has he been like this?" Marcus asked at last, his voice shaking.

"Two weeks," Donna replied quietly.

"Two weeks? And you didn't tell me? Shouldn't he be in therapy or something?"

Donna shrugged helplessly. "We've had a psychiatrist talk to him… He said maybe it is best to give him some time…"

"Maybe?" Marcus repeated, making it clear that 'maybe' was nowhere near good enough.

Donna glanced at her watch. "We should get going now."

She leaned down to Harvey and gently pulled at his suit. "We have to go." Harvey stood up mechanically and allowed Donna to take his hand as she led him out of the condo. And Donna couldn't help a little smile at the feel of his touch.

* * *

Donna sat with Rachel during the funeral, holding her hand as she quietly cried into a tissue. There were not a lot of people attending. There were Trevor and Jenny and a girl Donna didn't recognise until Rachel pointed her out as Tess. Then there were Harold and Kyle and some other associates Mike had started with at Pearson Hardman. Donna wondered if they had come out of true compassion or because it was expected of them.

There were Louis and Jessica, of course, Benjamin, and then a few other partners who mainly kept glancing towards Harvey. Donna had not much time to look at them though, because it was Rachel who needed her attention.

She could see that she was trying to be strong, but when the priest asked someone to come forward to talk about Mike it was Louis, Jessica and Harold who did.  
"He wouldn't have minded," Donna assured quietly, rubbing Rachel's back. "They have said everything there is to say."

Rachel snorted. "They didn't say how romantic he could be," she said quietly. „Or how his bolognese actually is special. Or how…"  
She broke off sobbing.

"They didn't," Donna confirmed. „Because that's something he shared with you. With you only. Those are your memories and you are allowed to keep them for yourself." 

* * *

**I'm sorry.**


	25. Betrayal

Jessica felt sick during the whole ceremony of Mike's funeral. Every word she said about what a great lawyer he had been, how loyal he had been, was bitter in her mouth. Because she knew the truth. It had taken some effort to wriggle it out of Dr. Gillmore, but in the end he had confessed that he had not taken Harvey's kidney.

"It would have been irresponsible," he had told Jessica. "If you want to fabricate some lawsuit to punish me for it, go ahead, but I did the right thing. Mr Specter was in no condition to make that decision. So when the mother of his child begged me to do this, I did."

Jessica had decided not to punish him for it. From his perspective the decision had probably been right but she could not believe that Donna -she had no doubt the secretary had initiated it- and Scottie had betrayed Harvey like that.

Jessica usually wasn't one for regrets and what ifs, but this one kept nagging at her every time she went to sleep. Should she have known that Donna was going through with that ludicrous idea?

She searched Donna's gaze all the time, but the secretary was too busy comforting Rachel. Jessica wondered how she was doing that without being sick of herself. How could she sit there and console the woman whose partner she had killed?

"I can't believe you did this," she hissed to Donna when they went outside and ended up walking next to each other. Rachel had gone over to her parents. She was not crying anymore but Jessica could see the effort it took her to stay composed.

"I had to, Jessica," Donna said firmly.

„You still think that?" Jessica asked incredulously.

"Of course." Donna blinked at her. "If it weren't for what we did they would both be dead."

Jessica scoffed. "Have you seen Harvey lately? He _is_ dead, Donna."

"He'll recover!" Donna snapped back, and Jessica could see tears in her eyes.

"Do you really think so? After two weeks of this?"

"Yes," Donna said firmly. "Look how much of a recovery he has already made…"

"So he has started to talk? To make his own food?"

"No," Donna admitted. „But the doctors say that physically he's getting better…"

"As if that mattered." They had fallen behind, but no one seemed to have noticed. Little surprising, with everyone staring at Harvey, who had not been in the office for more than a month now. And no matter what Donna said, Jessica knew that he would never come back. 

* * *

In the next month things reached a surprising level of normality. Donna, Louis and Jessica took turns visiting Harvey, making sure that he ate and drank. Donna would go to him during lunch break and in the evening, while Louis and Jessica would stay some hours in between. For Donna it felt surprisingly good to go back to work, even if she missed Harvey there.

But she could spend all evening with him and she knew that even though Harvey still didn't talk he would surely go back to his normal self soon.

She was working for Louis now who had enthusiastically sent Norma into retirement. It was an arrangement both of them were thrilled about and was maybe the first thing they had ever agreed on.

"Hey, Louis," Donna said when she came into Harvey's condo, carrying some files with her. She had decided that she would read them on the couch while sipping some wine.

"Hi, Donna," Louis replied with a strange expression on his face.

"Is something wrong?" Donna asked worriedly. She knew Louis had taken Harvey to a doctor's appointment this afternoon.

"Yes, no… I don't know…" Louis ran his hand through his hair obviously fighting for words.

"Is there anything wrong with Harvey's readings?" Donna asked worriedly, only then noticing that the file Louis was holding was medical.

"No, he's fine it's just…" Louis bit his lips, then placed the file on the table so Donna could see it too.

"There." He pointed. "It says that both his kidneys are working fine."

Donna frowned. "But that's good news isn't it?"

 _"Both his kidneys_ , Donna. After giving one of them to Mike it should only be one."

She felt herself get very hot and she was unable to answer, but it didn't matter because Louis went on.

"I called the doctor when I saw this to check if there was a mix up and he told me that no, Harvey definitely has two kidneys and that they are working perfectly fine."

"So…" Donna said slowly. "What do you think this means?"

Louis lowered his voice. "I think that's why Harvey is so traumatised. He got cold feet and now he thinks that he's responsible for Mike's death!"

Donna felt her stomach clench and for a moment she considered letting Louis believe he was right. But then she shook her head. "No Louis… It was Scottie and me."

Louis stared at her. "What?"

"We… we asked Dr. Gillmore to only put Harvey under and to cut his back a a little…" She felt hot tears rising in her eyes. "We couldn't… I couldn't let him die…  
If anyone has killed Mike it is us."

"YOU DID WHAT?"

The sound of Harvey's voice was so unexpected that it made both of them flinch. For God's sake, Donna had even forgotten that he was there.

"Harvey, I…" she stuttered jumping to her feet.

"Donna, what did you do?" His eyes were glittering with anger, his voice dangerously low, but she couldn't think of that this moment. He was back!

"Harvey." She said the name softly just so glad that he finally responded to it.

"You will tell me right now what you did!" He was yelling but it didn't matter.

"Donna!" His voice was a threatening growl but her body refused to release anything but endorphins. Then, before she even knew what was happening, Harvey had seized her and slammed her against the wall.

She whimpered in pain as her hip hit the TV but Harvey didn't seem to care.

"What did you do?" he shouted.

"Harvey!" Louis finally seemed to be able to react.

"Didn't you hear what she said? She killed Mike!" Harvey yelled, and for the first time ever Donna was afraid of him.

"You're hurting me," she whimpered, shards of the broken TV screen digging into her waist. Harvey's forearm pinned her to the wall so firmly she could barely breathe.

"I don't care," he snapped coldly. „You tell me everything. Now."

"Harvey! You're out of your mind!" Louis gasped but Harvey's angry stare silenced him.

"You were going to die if you had that surgery," Donna sobbed, trying to avoid Harvey's angry glare. "I needed to save you! So I thought if they just but you under and cut your back a little..."

Her vision was blurry with tears.

"And what about Mike? Have you even thought about him?"

"He was going to die anyway," she whimpered.

"You had no right!" His voice was so angry that she thought he was going to hit her. "Who else was in on it?"

"Harvey please," Donna panted, „you're hurting me…"

"Who else was in on it?" She cried in pain as he pressed her even harder against the wall.

"Scottie," she coughed.

"That's all? Jessica? Rachel?"

She shook her head.

Suddenly the pressure on her chest was released and she slid down the wall. She felt a jolt of pain as a shard of the broken TV screen ripped her arm open.

"Get out of my sight," Harvey hissed, his voice so full of contempt that she felt it ripping her apart from the inside out. "I don't ever want to see you again."

"Harvey please!" she tried one last time, but her pleading eyes were only met with his unforgiving.

"Ever!" he spat, then he turned and went into his bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

"Harvey," Donna sobbed again, even though he couldn't hear her. Tears were streaming down her face smearing her makeup. She forced herself to look up to meet Louis's gaze.

"How could you do that to him?" Louis asked quietly, his face still frozen in shock.

Her only reply was another sob.

"Hey, you're bleeding," Louis said quietly and she heard his suit rustling as he kneeled next to her. Gently he took her arm, quickly inspecting the wound.

"Donna, I think you need to go," he said after a while. "Harvey might kill you when he comes back and you're still here."

For a split second she considered asking him if he thought Harvey was right, but she was too scared of the reply. Shakily she got to her feet, leaning on Louis as she stumbled towards the door.

"Do you think he's ever going to forgive me?" she whispered as they were outside, looking up to Louis with pleading eyes.

The lawyer hesitated a moment before he said "I don't know Donna, I honestly don't know."


	26. To Harvey

Donna was standing on the roof of the building that housed Pearson Litt. It was cold, too cold to be out there in just a short dress as she was wearing, but this day she didn't care.

A bit over twelve years had passed since she had last seen Harvey Specter. Harvey Specter. It was curious how she sometimes found herself calling him that instead of just Harvey.

When she had come to his condo the day after their argument, hoping to somehow make him forgive her, he had already been gone. He hadn't taken much, only his favourite suit and some clothes, but he had never come back.

The first year had been hard. She had desperately tried to find him, had spent all day wondering where he had gone. It was hard when someone who you had seen pretty much every day for twelve years just disappeared. Not that he wasn't right. She _had_ betrayed him. But she had never thought that that could mean he would leave her forever.

Sometimes she wondered if he still called Louis every now and then, but although Louis had forgiven her, he refused to talk about anything concerning Harvey. He wouldn't even tell her if he was still alive.

"Donna." She didn't need to look up to know that it was Jessica joining her.

"Jessica," she replied without turning around, eyes still fixed on the New Yorker skyline.

"I see you brought the Scotch."It was Harvey's favourite, one of the insanely expensive ones. "He would have turned 50 today," Jessica added.

Donna nodded. "You know the first few years I kept thinking that he might call one day... that I might find him at my doorstep, ready to forgive me..."

"Harvey's never been the forgiving type," Jessica pointed out rightfully. When his mother had died three years ago, he had not shown up for the funeral. It was then that Donna had given up all hope to ever see him again.

"So he hasn't even forgiven you? You had nothing to do with it after all."

Jessica shook her head. "I never heard from him after he left that day…"

Donna didn't need her to continue; she knew that Jessica thought that Harvey was long dead, that the lack of communication was not a punishment, but the simple lack of ability.

But somehow Donna couldn't believe that. Even after all those years she thought that she would know if Harvey Specter was dead.  
She poured herself and Jessica a glass of Scotch.

"To Harvey, wherever he might be," she said rising her glass.

"Wherever he might be," Jessica agreed, solemnly turning her eyes towards the cloudy sky. It would be raining soon. 

* * *

He could hear the children squeaking as they splashed each other with water, hear the sound of the waves crashing onto the shore, feel the cool autumn wind ruffle through his hair and the scratchiness of the sand he was lying on.

All of that didn't change the fact that he felt that there was a thin layer of fabric between him and the world. Sometimes it was so thin he hardly noticed it, other times everything seemed muffled, all the colours dulled.

"Papa! Thomas ne me donne pas le bateau!" _Dad! Thomas won't give me the boat!  
_  
2Sh, Alice, papa dort! Thomas, donne le bateau à ta soeur, il faut le partager!" _Sh, Alice, dad's sleeping! Thomas give your sister the boat, you're supposed to share!  
_  
He wasn't sleeping and he knew that Monique knew he wasn't. But she recognised the mood he was in. She always did. That was one of the reasons why he loved her.

He felt her reaching out for his hand and gently squeezed back as she did.

"Tu veux retourner à la maison?" _Do you want to go home?_ she whispered. "La mer te rend toujours triste." _The sea always makes you sad_.

He shook his head. He didn't want to go just yet. Monique didn't know that somewhere across this ocean lived his son, a boy he had only seen once. She didn't know that he had a brother, a niece and a nephew. She didn't know that he had been a lawyer once, that he still had a bank account with millions of dollars.

All that he had ever told her was that he had left the States because of a woman's betrayal.

For a few more minutes Harvey Specter listened to the waves, allowing himself to wonder what had become of the people he had left behind.

He could have found out if he had wanted could have looked up the firm, he could have called them. He should have. They had not all betrayed him. Louis, Jessica, Marcus, James, none of them had done him any wrong.

But he couldn't bring himself to do it. Because calling them, finding out what had become of them would have forced him to think about Mike. About the future the kid had never had because he tried to safe him.

He could think of a million mistakes he had made all of which had led to Mike being on that plane. If only he hadn't walked out on him that evening. If only he had stayed in the hospital. If only they had taken some more time before they flew back. If only he had never hired him in the first place. All of that would have been more reasonable than what he had done.

"Tu vas bien?" _You're all right?_ Monique asked quietly and he could hear the concern in her voice.

"Oui… J'ai seulement pensé à quelqu'un que j'ai perdu…" _Yes… I just thought of someone I lost_.

"Tu sais," _You know_ Monique said resting her head on his shoulder, "un jour il faudra que tu me racontes ton histoire." _one day you have to tell me your story.  
_  
"Un jour," he confirmed. But it wasn't this day. 

* * *

**The End**

* * *

 **So that's it... The end. I know that many of you were upset about Mike's death and I'm sorry for killing him. I didn't plan to do it all along but it was where the story took me.**

 **I would like to thank everyone who wrote a review, favourited the story or set up an alert, it was always great to know that people actually liked this. If you want to write a final review now that you reached the end, feel free to, I will continue to read and feel happy about them!**

 **Also I would like to thank Zimdan19 again for her beta work, for finding all the small mistakes I made and for her continued support!**


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